Setting the Moods
by Ides de Marzo
Here’s a startling revelation: People that make their livings naked can be a moody and temperamental bunch. Men, of course, have only two basic moods — hungry and horny — and you will invariably find them either happy or sad depending upon how long it has been since either of those two moods reached satisfaction. Women, though, they can display a myriad of emotional range that would require a database and a super-computer just to keep track of, should you wish to even attempt accuracy. [Oh, hell, they can do that kind of range before breakfast. And by the way, men have more moods than simply hungry and horny. They also have drunk and hungry, as well as drunk and horny. So there.]
Of course being the chaos-loving sorts around here, we tend to celebrate this day more than most people might, and the fact that it fits more in with a female perspective only adds to the enjoyment. Take a look at these “surveillance” photos here snapped with a very long telephoto lens. [For the record, this first one may be the very best porn shoot BTS photograph ever taken.]
We can only hope that none of the male performers — or those aspiring to be one — never see these photos. They will immediately begin thinking of a new line of work to pursue. [Since when did the woman paying attention ever become a deal-breaker for the man getting laid?]
Now D.Minion will be explaining the where’s, and how’s, and why’s of this situation with Alexis Texas and Jerry very soon, but oddly enough we somehow found a perfect use of the “shot from 50 yards away” kind of intimacy that paparazzi and fans of tabloids seem to enjoy. In fairness to Alexis, she hardly qualifies as the only starlet to be checking her Twitter feed during a scene. We just have her as an example of the modern state of sex for money when both parties are getting paid. [Social Media has changed a lot of things, right? Basically we now only interact “socially” with those not in direct proximity to us.]
Also featured today, although displaying less “ides” certainly, Maverick has a wonderful “Camshow” and BTS video selection featuring the ever-lovely Syren — who does in fact appear to know exactly where the camera happens to be at all times. Of course now we want Maverick to send Syren over here so we can set up a scene we can also observe from a long way in the distance — you know, purely for scientific purposes. [Art requires sacrifice. Don’t forget that.]
If you prefer prose to visual philosophical commentary, you also have another option today — this being rather of the more humorous variety. [For the record, I pulled all the “logician” jokes out of the list. I don’t have any idea what they are, but I know they are not funny. … Or maybe we’re just illogical. That’s what my mom says.]
- It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take thing literally.
- Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
- Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings, and he jumps up shouting, “Oh shit! I forgot to feed the dog.”
- Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
- The programmer’s wife tells him, “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.’ … The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
- There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had a gig yet.
- A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room, and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The scientist explained that every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said, “This is pointless,” and stormed off, while the engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician exclaimed on his way out, “Don’t you see you’ll never actually reach her?” … The engineer replied, “So what? Pretty soon I’ll be close enough for all practical purposes.” [And now you know why you’ll never see a mathematician in a strip club.]