Instead it looks like Mama is going to be the star. She met some people in Las Vegas that wanted to put her in the movies, and she took me to the set of her first big production. I was a little jealous at first that she was getting all the attention instead of me, but there were so many fascinating things going on that I was soon lost in a world of new sights and smells. [And by the way, if everyone “loves” your cute little dog too much on set, eventually she regurgitates roasted garlic all over her spiffy clothes and much of the furniture. It doesn’t smell all that good.]
The other people I met were very friendly. One guy, the one with the book and the beard, seemed to have a lot of insight into my situation. I wonder if he’s been around small dogs before. And one lady kept asking me really tough questions about condiments and punctuation marks and things. The only one I could answer was my favorite sex position: doggy!
(Sorry. No picture of that.) [That’s alright, Bubblegum. We were going to find a picture of dogs having sex to post here, but D.Minion would just make us take it down anyway. The important thing to always remember is that the guy with the beard and the book might be the most amazingly intelligent human being ever – although all the other human beings seem yet to have recognized this fact. Oh, and you should also remember that D.Minion can be a bit of a fuddy-duddy sometimes.]
Are you ready to see Mama now? And all her new friends? Even though most everybody there was pretty special looking (for humans, anyway), I think she stood out. I’m not sure what this new life holds in store for us, but it’s bound to be exciting. And maybe they’ll let me address you again someday. If I can’t be a movie star, maybe I can be a journalist. Before I unleash any new tales, however, let’s embark upon the pictures without further pause. (Sometimes I crack myself up.)
Yours truly, Bubblegum
An Update on the Jana Jordan Bubblegum Phenomenon
You will be happy to know that some seven years after the initial publication of this account, Bubblegum still terrorizes porn sets with some regularity. She never did realize her dreams of being a journalist, because — let’s face it — you can’t really fit a computer into that tiny little purse she calls home. Cell phones are out too, y’know: She has no thumbs, and all. … Consequently she bides her time patiently, waiting for the day they have a shoot in Beverly Hills, at which point Bubblegum plans to escape and find that upstart Chihuahua, replacing her in a little bitty canine coup. Under threat of severely slimed ankles, Bubblegum also made us promise to tell you all one more thing: She still hates that dress. -Ed.
By the way, should you wish to read more about Bubblegum, or perhaps get to know Jana herself a bit, you might be interested in the Jana Jordan Introduction in the Photos section.
My wife and I think you should do an entire series on porn stars and their pets. You can tell a lot about a person by the pets they keep, including the Penthouse variety.
Having “kept” a few Penthouse Pets in my day, I will only say that they will keep your life interesting. … Of course that constitutes a curse in some cultures.
The beautiful and ultimately insecure remain a fascinating breed — as it were.