Kristal Summers Overall

To Lurk with Kirk

Kristal Summers Makes EVERYTHING Happyby Minion Missive

We’re going to get right to Kristal and her “Effect” on new members soon, but an Olympics debate spurred some controversy here this week, so we need to take a moment. [This outlet can turn into “Dear Diary” for writers sometimes. Sorry about that. Of course that’s why we provide the handy “jump to the visuals” icons on the pages.]

Contrary to what many people out there in “the world” seem to think, the stupidest person in the history of humans was NOT in fact the person that invented the “skeleton” as an athletic event. As Gibby pointed out quite eloquently [or at least loudly], while sledding down an ice chute with your feet sticking out — as in the luge — seems really, really crazy, doing so while leading with your FACE is simply wacked. This makes no sense. Indeed this cannot make sense. To any sane person. Ever. [Seriously. It sounds like something you’d talk your little brother into trying and then deny it to your mom later when he crashes and burns.] What the hell?

Still, we maintain that the stupidest person ever was not in fact the person that came up with this idea. Nope. … The stupidest person EVER was the second person who went down a mountain this way. Think about it. In order for this to happen, the second person had to have watched the first person and actually thought something like, “Hey! That looks like darned fun! I should try it.” Who are these people, and why do we continue to let them vote? [Yeah, where’s Darwin when you need him?]

“Curling” might be very silly, but at least nobody dies if they miscalculate. [Well, some of the outfits can make your eyes bleed, so you do need to be careful.] That said, with D.Minion as our [oddly enough fearless in this case] leader, we have all decided that as a whole, the winter Olympics make no sense. Snow is COLD. Didn’t anyone ever tell them that? [Can’t tell we’re from California, can you?]

OK. So where were we? …

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