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Party Like A Proper Porn Star

UKAP Christmas Party 2010

by Maverick

Properly Partying Porn StarFor this year’s Christmas UKAP party, the British weather had decided to bring in lows that made temperatures start to head into the minuses. [True to tradition, something British once again decided to make the same decision over and over again. Even the weather repeats itself. Of course some Spanish dude gave us, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” And Karl Marx elaborated with, “History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.” … So maybe the Brits just don’t read a lot.] This of course wouldn’t stop female porn stars turning up in very small outfits and some even getting naked (but more of that later). [All in all that’s probably more interesting than discussing long dead philosophers anyway. Good choice.]

Arriving just after the party had started; I was greeted by the host Freddie and Tracey Lain. [Really? … Really? … “Tracey Lain?” … Sigh. … Well, they may not read, but they do seem to watch American porn from the 1990’s.] Slowly getting the feeling back into my hands and legs, I headed to the bar and ordered a beer. I spent a few moments looking around to see if I knew anyone that was there already. [Well, that’s easier than seeing if you know anyone that’s not there yet. … (That would be American philosophy, which explains why we don’t have so many famous ones really.) … ] So far everyone looked new. I noticed six boxes with the awards that were going to be presented later in the evening. It was just at the previous party that they had only presented two awards. Maybe the next party will have tables and an award show that last four hours! [Well they’ll need to learn to treat people that paid $300 a ticket like sardines (and complete idiots) for a few hours before the show to really reach AVN standards. Personally, I would not suggest this as a goal.]

Slowly the party began to fill up with stars ranging from established names such as Tanya Tate, Daisy Rock, Suzie Best, Emma Butt, Rio Lee and Syren Sexton to new stars just starting out like Sophie O Brien [sic] (more of her later too). [Everybody wants to be a star – well, except people that have matured enough to see what a silly and fleeting idea that turns out to be.]

Michelle Moist sadly wasn’t working as the DJ this time around, but they had a big guy with a frilly white shirt and what looked like shiny trousers. I wasn’t about to take a closer look. [Only in England can something look shiny, but may not actually be shiny. Fascinating.] He reminded me of the sort of fashion around the time of the early 80’s UK music scene. Back then every pop star seemed to wear those types of shirts. [Yeah. The 80’s were embarrassing for all of us. Remember black lacquer furniture? Now there was a functional idea. We all love to clean things three times a day because none of us has anything else to do.] Strangely, they also pumped in some smoke from a smoke machine which after a few minutes and several pictures they chose to turn off. [Hint from an aged one here: Smoke in video – Good. Smoke for stills or breathing – Bad. Hard to Party like a Proper Porn Star that way.]

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