Sam Phillips for TARA

TARA: Frankly, We DO Give a Damn

The Animal Rescue AllianceGet Behind Pet Adoptions (as it were)

by Ben Evolent

Many people know that the creative mind behind Penthouse, Kelly Holland, also spends beaucoup amounts of money and time running an animal rescue operation in the San Fernando Valley called TARA. While Kelly no longer owns Penthouse, she does still serve as the CEO, and thus we wanted to highlight her altruistic endeavors by considering a few Pet adoptions of our own. We do this because we still love Kelly, obviously, but also given how things turned out, we still have confidence in the evolution of the Penthouse Brand. [Rumor has it that we may not be quite as altruistic as Kelly, although we have no idea how people might get that impression.]

TARA fans

Kelly has some pets with lots of personality, but even a very nice and admirable horse cannot really compete with Sam Phillips. Let’s be honest. Not only that, but our Pets have lots of personality and they also look really, really good naked. Advantage us. [Yeah, Sam can even compete with puppies and kittens, and not many of us can say that.]

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Kelly does take care of some very exotic animals. She has goats, a pig, sometimes a duck, usually some geese, and even a donkey that as far as we know may be immortal. We have Christiana Cinn, the aforementioned Sam Phillips, and Marica Hase — a couple of different way, it appears. [We will reserve judgment on whether a synthetic dog or a synthetic woman would be better to have hanging around the bedroom. As D.Minion preaches, “We just want everyone to be happy.”]

Kelly has a 24-hour camera that shows her cats doing cat things. Like sleeping. And then walking a bit. And then sleeping. And then maybe eating. And then sleeping. We spend screen time with our pets completely differently. [To be clear, we do not see on camera the "later" part of eating, and at least one of us here has spent hours watching those cats sleep. We just want everyone to be happy.]

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Now, however, we cannot claim Gibby exclusively, as Kelly has him too. This makes us a bit sad, perhaps, but it seems to make him really, really happy. We’re actually not sure if Gibby has a cat [or a pig, or goats], but he definitely has LOTS of Pets. [Not to underscore this point overly, but last year after the show Penthouse asked me how many Pets were at the convention. I called Gibby, and on the flight home he compiled a list of 47 of them — from memory. It was an awe-inspiring display.]

In TARA (and Uncle Gibby) We Trust

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Bottom line, would you rather have birds with no feathers, or Kenna James with no feathers? [That seems an easy question, so we’ll pose a slightly more difficult one. You can register to attend the TARA annual fund-raising event in late July, or you can DONATE any time and from anywhere. We don’t do commercial plugs as a rule around here, but if it helps, “our” Pets like these pets a lot. … TARA before you tarry, we always say. Think about it.]

vice is nice

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