Our Jana Jordan Introduction

Instead we’ll just skip to the part where Michael introduced his newest Exclusive Contract Star on set last week where she dropped by “just to visit” for three days and then filmed at least parts of her first two movies for Ninn Worx, currently called House of Jana (presumably parts one and two) on two others. Jana Jordan pretty much has the definition of “enthusiasm” wrapped up in a pretty package. She’s young (20 for another month or so). She’s far from a typical “Ninn Woman” at 5’3” tall and weighing “97 pounds on a fat day.” But she does have the happy attitude of someone that just bucked the long industry odds and got a deal on paper with one of adult’s top producers. She also has the obligatory tiny dog that she can take everywhere with her, a “Chihuahua / Rat Terrier Mix” named Bubble Gum — in a pink dress.

risque imageNow for some of us from more rural areas of the country, the concept of a dog wearing clothes is just wrong. It’s one of those basic animal dignity things that really shouldn’t need explanation but somehow pretty young women always need explained to them. In an early interview Jana described “her perfect movie” to the many, many assembled cameras on this happy event, opining that it would be “a perfect Barbie Movie where all of the Barbies and Kens got to play dress-up in each others’ clothes.” A few of us with some legal background turned the appropriate green color as we thought of potentially pissing off Mattel, but that topic quickly paled as Jana began to elaborate on her theories of aging.

I’m sort of the “geeky guy with the book” on set, so I’m somewhat used to people not knowing what exactly I “do” there, but Jana had a unique introduction even for me. When meeting her for the first time, I gently revealed that when I started in this business she was only three years old.

“Well how old are you?” she asked.

I’m not sure why I chose to try some clever quip at this particular juncture in my life, but for some reason I responded, “Well, I was 20 more than 20 years ago, honey.”

Without missing a beat, the perky little miss just said, “How sad.”

I probably missed at least a couple of beats before I decided we should talk about the dog some more. “You know, that outfit is really a lot more “Rat” than “Chihuahua” at this point, right?”

“Yeah,” she said, maintaining the same indefatigable perkiness that we just took for granted by the end of the week, “She keeps eating her clothes off.”

Ah-Ha! I had my entry.

I could now impart some of the wisdom I have painfully struggled to attain over the years. “Well, maybe she doesn’t like them,” I patiently theorized, “She does kind of look like Trailer Trash Barbie if you think about it.”

Jana said, “Sexy.”

You see, Jana doesn’t say “cool” — or “neat” — or “groovy” — or whatever it is people say now. Jana just says, “Sexy.”

“Jana, we’re going to need you in makeup in about 10 minutes.” … “Sexy.”

“Jana, we’re all out of apples, are bananas OK?” … “Sexy.”

“Jana, the one girl you really, really wanted to have sex with couldn’t make it at the last minute, so we’re just putting someone else in her place.” … “Sexy.”

Now obviously we didn’t have a lot of deep bonding time with Miss Jana on this particular shoot, as the demands on her time were strenuous. (She did three sex scenes a day, two days in a row, and even if you don’t have a Coochie, you can probably figure out that working it for eight to ten hours a day might be tough on it.) So maybe time will wear out her genuine appreciation for all that seemed to be happening to her, but it was a darned treat to hang out and watch the optimism of youth in action once again this time.

So thanks, Michael. Now that I think about it, though, it’s hard to remember if I really had all the answers I thought I did back when I was twenty.

How sad.

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