The Feeling of “The Four”
by Simple Simon
[Editor’s Note: You always worry when an article actually starts with an editor’s note, right? Well, visitors here on the free area of Risqué Business may not be aware of the long, varied — and on occasion absolutely bizarre — relationship we have had with Michael Ninn for a time going on two decades now. Consequently, they may not understand the esteem in which we all hold him, and thus may attach feelings of ill will to blatant sarcasm when cast in his direction. We can assure you that to a person we admire the genius of Michael Ninn, a standard honestly quite easily adhered to by our habit of firing anyone that disagrees with this assessment. We live by a simple tenet in this case: While we can make fun of our friend, we do not always take kindly to criticism coming from outside the family. (On occasion we might even get peeved. … On the other hand, mostly we ignore everything outside the family, so you’re probably safe after all.) At any rate, please take the following “synopsis” in the good spirit in which we intended it. The editor will be stopping now, as parenthetical phrases within an editor’s note just seem way out of line.]
OK. So maybe the time for Feeling Groovy has passed in American Culture, but the philosophical concept remains — if not necessarily the terminology. With a nod to Art taking precedence over mere effective communication, we submit the following synopsis for The Four.
The Four – In Brief (or Tunic)
So, like Marco Banderas plays this way arrogant Persian king dude that thinks his stuff don’t stink because he whupped some major butt on Charles Dera and all his Spartan buds. Marco’s character goes by the name Leonides (roughly: LION-eye-des), but don’t try to keep up with all the weird-ass names in this sucker or you’re going to miss all the bitchin’ pictures and shit.
What’s important is that Marco sorta forgot about the women-folk when he went about trashin’ the Spartans, and that don’t never turn out good when you do stupid-shit like that. Since this whole scene happened like thousands of years ago, maybe that’s where all that “lessons of history” jive comes from, but who really cares about lessons anyway?
Yeah, well, Marco didn’t, and that turns out to be one major fuck-up.