April 2007 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff


Some of us are taking off today, folks, and we just wanted to let you know. It’s been six years since the “leader” (whatever the heck that means, and why the heck would anyone want to be one of those anyway?) has taken a true vacation, and that’s what’s going to happen. Allegedly many, many things will be ongoing in abstentia, but … well … allegedly, and all. … Regardless, everyone enjoy a little bit of the spring time in your area and we’ll see you the second week of May. It might work; who knows? My dad always used to say, “Columbus took a chance.” … Of course I’d always respond that, “He had to run because he was schtupping the Queen and the King found out; he didn’t really land where everyone thinks he landed, and, besides, he’s dead.” I’ve never been very good at lessons, in case you hadn’t noticed.


You know the thing about controversial opinions? They’re easy to ignore and just get on to the serious jobs of looking at Julia Ann and Kristal Summers naked. If you’re the thinking sort of person, controversial opinions might also be good to argue with (and when you’ve got Juli Ashton on your side that’s an easy thing to do), but even thinking people tend to get distracted by Julia Ann and Kristal Summers naked. (You can see that, right?) You think this is why thinking people don’t run for public office? And would we really want someone in public office that has never seen Julia Ann and Kristal Summers naked? … We think NOT! … Of course sometimes we’re wrong. And sometimes we’re right. … It gets confusing, if you want to know the truth.  [FEATURED TAGS: Julia Ann, Kristal Summers]

And we're climbing a stairway to ... um ... Julia Ann and Kristal. Have you been paying attention?

We’re thinking about Contract Players in general today, which bring up the anticipated thoughts of Jana Jordan and perhaps some slightly less obvious ones about Anais. Then we’re also thinking about Katsumi, Vanessa Hill, Anna Karin, Dillan Lauren, Rita Faltoyano, Kelly Taylor, Rita Faltoyano, Nikita Denise, Brittney Skye and Kenzie Ryan, so we’re really pretty busy, all things considered. Still, if you have to be busy, being so with a collection of women this beautiful pretty much makes it OK. And all in all, pretty much OK seems like a fine goal for any day.  [FEATURED TAGS: Jana Jordan Video, Anais Video, Katsumi, Vanessa Hill, Anna Karin, Dillan Lauren, Rita Faltoyano, Kelly Taylor, Rita Faltoyano, Nikita Denise, Michael Ninn, Exclusive Video]

Anna Karin. Never a contract girl for some reason. Hmm.

We looked up the origins of triskaidekaphobia today, because we thought this would make for a fascinating exposé – not to mention appropo, considering the “lucky” chap always roaming the hallways here. Then after sufficient research we decided, Naw. That’s too confusing. Let’s just show off Jana Jordan and the XRCO Awards we just attended. … Now it’s not that we avoid the technical and generally run from anything that’s too complicated around here …. Oh, wait a minute. … It’s EXACTLY like that. Our bad. … Heeere’s Jana (and Kristal Summers, and TJ Hart, and some others by the way) … [FEATURED TAGS: XRCO Awards, Kristal Summers, Jana Jordan Video, Georgia Jones, TJ Hart, Nikita Denise, Michael Ninn, Exclusive Video, D.Minion]

Kristal and an alleged Mr. Pacino

Imagine you have the chance to meet Heather Vuur. Now imagine you have a chance to meet Heather Vandeven. … Obviously those of you “in the know” would thus know that this would be the same thing, however confusing it sounds. Well, today, unless you happen to live in Hollywood and are very, very fortunate, you don’t have either of the choices anyway. Sorry. But you do have a chance to see D.Minion’s coverage of Meet Heather, and you do have a chance to see a home that reaches the absurd in its ability to store clothing. Also, Selina Draagen, Kellemarie, Kelly Kline, and Zoë Britton are hanging around and they don’t seem to care about clothes at all. Sometimes in life even “just what you get” can be rather dandy. [FEATURED TAGS: Heather Vuur Video, Heather Vandeven Video, Selina Draagen Video, Kellemarie, Kelly Kline, Zoë Britton, Lorraine Sisco, Michael Ninn, Exclusive Video, D.Minion]

Stairway to Heather

If you do the unusual all of the time, does it then become usual? And if it’s now usual then how can it be unusual at the same time? Fortunately, as with many philosophical questions, our standard answer works quite well: We don’t care. For example, whenever there’s a bear in the woods, our goal remains never to be around long enough to see what it does there. Speaking of animals, though, we think someone might be pulling our leg on this April Fool’s Day. The “usual” possibility exists that Bubblegum the Dog did not in fact write this account of when Jana visited Innocence. We’re usually very skeptical, which clearly makes it not unusual. [FEATURED TAGS: Jana Jordan, Alexis Love, Lena Nicole, Amber Rayne, Jamie Elle, Alana Langford, Sasha Grey, Michael Ninn]

Jana Jordan ... Disciplinarian.