Filed Under: Alana Langford

October 2011 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

10/31/11	Remember when the “Little Monsters” visiting us this evening just meant there were a bunch of small people in costume going door to door obtaining free candy under threat of dirty deeds? Now, according to some of the … let’s go with less aged … among our office staff, a “Little Monster” might mean simply that the individual in question happens to be a fan of Lady Gaga. When did that happen? We missed the memo. … If you want to have some fun tonight, when the beggars come ringing your doorbell with their already sugar-filled bags thrust forward, choose “Trick!” and see what happens. If you can’t educate the young, what fun is life anyway? … Of course if you’d rather have an altogether different kind of fun tonight, just give ’em the candy so you can get back to our “Gothic Cheerleader” courtesy of Cytherea. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video]
10/29/11	No one here will admit responsibility for the apparent “poetry bug” that has bitten the writers around here, but as is our custom, we have made it quite easy to just skip to the … let’s go with more visual … presentations. After all, while it may take some education to adequately consider Shakespeare, it hardly takes a college degree to see the benefits of Shayla LaVeaux and Olivia Del Rio “virtually” … let’s go with working. Come to think of it, let’s just go … . [FEATURED TAGS: Eddie Van Halen, Jassie, Heather Vurr, Heather Vandeven, Monica Mayhem, Michael Ninn, Shayla LaVeaux Video, Olivia Del Rio Video ]
10/26/11	Certainly most of us would come to the aid of a Damsel in Distress — at least one would hope. Yet what percentage of us would take the time to explain Distress in Damsels when at the end of the written explanation comes Monique Alexander and Tori Black? … See? Don’t you just hate those philosophical puzzles? … Fortunately there will be no test today. Truthfully you don’t even need to pay attention to all the pesky words in the way of the beautiful women (although please don’t tell the copywriters because they’re very sensitive). And since we are being honest, we should mention that we find it pretty hard to imagine either Monique or Tori being in “distress” for very long. Right? [FEATURED TAGS: Monique Alexander Video, Tori Black Video, Michael Ninn]
10/23/11	Apparently “blonds have more fun” as they go through life. Assuming that true, then Jaclyn Smith (followed recently by Minka Kelly) would be much more alluring would they only dye their hair, right? Uh-huh. Have we mentioned the beautiful ocean-front property just outside of Denver we’re trying to sell? … Well, we don’t often get the chance to talk about one woman with experience in both “lifestyles” in adult movies, but when we do, we jump at the chance. OK. So that fact that A.J. Bailey happens to be brilliant too doesn’t hurt anything. Hey, when she gets old, she’ll still be smart. [FEATURED TAGS: AJ Bailey Video, Capri Anderson Video, Helmetcam Audio, Michael Ninn]
10/22/11	Theoretically, taking “the road less travelled” will make all the difference. Of course, have you ever noticed that no one ever mentions whether or not that difference will turn out to be a good thing? Life comes down to a matter of defining your perspective and then setting priorities; it’s really not any more complicated than that. For our part, we always seem to choose the path filled with naked women. They’re probably more philosophical or something. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video, Dee Video, Georgia Adair Video, Tasha Reign, Sarah Vandella, Kagney Linn Karter, Alexis Texas, Michael Ninn]
10/18/11	So a Haiku, a Fairy Tale, and a Limerick walk into a web site … No, really. … That’s what actually happens today. … We can’t really say “why” necessarily, because that would involve trying to understand D.Minion’s rationale, and we can assure you: Down that road disaster lies. … On a more — let’s go with typically sane — route, we do at least get to show off Shayla cavorting in our small town on California’s Central Coast. Better yet, Shayla has chosen to do so with a distinct lack of clothing for the most part, although she does seem to take advantage of batteries purchased locally. We’ve even thrown in some of those fancy “movin’ pictures” displaying a similar sort of cavorting, even though the scene has nothing technically to do with the poems. Internally we’ve entitled this bit of fun “The Lingerie Toss and Other Tales” but you may be more interested in the “Pure Gold Pussy” once all is said and done. Basically we know what we’ve done, but we have no idea what DM has said. [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux Video]
10/16/11	All things considered, we have a pretty good life around here. Granted the abundance of beautiful naked women around does tend to slant the playing field in our favor, but we have deeply spiritual — metaphysically philosophical, even — reasons to be grateful for our lot in life. Well, at least we plan on having those, just as soon as the beautiful naked women stop working as sole justification. Hey, without a plan, how can you tell when you’ve fallen horribly short? … And the plan for today? Georgia Adair and Dee, beautiful and naked as you likely expected. Honestly, adding enough deeply spiritual and metaphysical philosophy, it adds a whole new interpretation to the concept of the NFL “bye” week. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea, Dee Video, Georgia Adair Video, Michael Ninn]
10/10/11	Columbus Day seemed like the perfect opportunity to talk about the potential benefits of exploration, particularly as they may pertain to Cytherea. Truth be told, we cannot be 100% sure what exactly we will “discover” on our trek, but we remain optimistic. According to Mr. Orwell, should we strive to be admirable writers, we need “let the meaning choose the word, and not the other way about.” As to the effectiveness of our efforts today, we shall let the members decide. … And just a bit of advice for members and non-members alike: Remember what we have learned from Mr. Columbus. Be really careful if you’re screwing the Queen. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea, Jana Jordan Video, Alana Langford Video, Michael Ninn]
10/7/11	For a long time now, we’ve been planning to celebrate the release of the next Michael Ninn movie we can talk about and show off with the last Michael Ninn movies (we could talk about and show off) — these happening right before new Ninn Worx management felt “uncomfortable” with our presence. Consequently, on the precipice of some very select customers in the U.S. being able to obtain a copy of Michael’s The Four, we bring you for the first time D.Minion’s observations of the first day of House of Jordan. We’ve entitled this episode “Who Let the Dogs Out?” — which will make a lot more sense once you read it. … OK. So that may not be entirely true. … It will make as much sense as we usually make. There. [FEATURED TAGS: Jana Jordan, Renee Perez, Lena Nicole, Marlie Moore, Alana Langford, Michael Ninn]
10/2/11	Sigh. The plan was to put this up on Sunday night … and then … depression set in. On the stripes of the gridiron the only thing that makes the Colorado professional football team better than Colorado’s biggest college football team is that the college team has played one more game, thus recording one more loss. Many might assume that being from a state even colder than Colorado, say, Wisconsin, would be a fine reason for depression of an entirely more aggregate view. But you if you happen to be a football fan, Wisconsin’s not a bad place to be. … Still, we’re trying to cope the way we do. Too bad Uncle Gibby’s not allowed to look at the video here. He would have liked it — a lot. [FEATURED TAGS: Lexi Belle, Monique Alexander, Anais Video, Michael Ninn]

October 2007 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

10/28/07	We learn about money and naked British women today. Or maybe we just read about the process of Maverick coordinating a photo shoot for naked women utilizing almost no money. … Or (and this would be the more likely option, truth be told) we just look at a bunch of naked pictures of Kaz B and Masie and we pretty much ignore everything else. Hey, the NFL’s broadcasting in HD again today. For our part we have learned the occasional value of brevity. [FEATURED TAGS: Masie, Kaz B., Maverick]
10/25/07	Relationships are tricky animals. And relationships in the porn industry can be downright treacherous. Of course that doesn’t keep them from happening, and thus nothing keeps us from talking about them. Of course none of this technically has a great deal to do with Inari Vachs creating some “Pier Pressure” of her own, but we do find a way to work in Winkin’, Blinkin’, and Odd. Sometimes we worry about ourselves. We really do. [FEATURED TAGS: Inari Vachs]
10/20/07	Well this might be another “how” issue, but of a much simpler variety as Dee offers up one of her very early Cam Shows for replay. Of course we also give a brief look at another of her KSEX exploits, this time with Kiki Daire of the “Triple-D” fame. Sometimes just appreciating the how can look very nice indeed. [FEATURED TAGS: Dee, Kiki Daire, D.Minion]
10/16/07	In an unusual twist, even for us, we offer up an examination of The How as much as The What this time around. Now we still let you in on the inside scoop on the latest big movie shoot we attended, and we provide impetus for soulful ruminations on life in a Microsoft World. We actually open with a brief reality check as we’re poised on the regular American Political Proving Ground, and eventually we even transition into some heretofore not publicly known intrigue involving Juli Ashton’s Night Calls, her original cohort, Doria Rone, and Playboy TV’s foray into the “Let’s Make a Movie About Our Series” business. Not to give too much away, and we’ll tell you right up front that we haven’t honestly seen the necessary sales or income reports required to be absolutely sure, but we’re thinking that The Simpsons Movie probably made more money. Clearly there’s no accounting for taste. … Of course we pretty much rely on that around here. [FEATURED TAGS: Night Calls, Juli Ashton, Doria, Vicca, Nikita, Emma, Chrissy, Risque News Insight]
10/11/07	As you read the varied historical perspective we’ve provided as accompaniment for a title called a capella, you’ll probably pick up on the irony. By definition, obviously, these items are meant to stand alone (or in this case usually lie alone). Come to think of it, if you “lie” alone to have sex, do you more correctly, then, lay alone? Things can get very confusing fairly quickly around here, but if you just concentrate on Jana Jordan, Heather Vuur, Rita Faltoyano, Carli Banks, Marie Luv, Daisy Marie, Holly Wellin, Ginger Lea, Andie Valentino, Marlie Moore, Lena Nicole, Alana Langford, Alexis Love, Tiffany Sweet, Jenaveve Jolie, Kaiya Lynn, Mika Tan, Nikki Benz, and Renee Perez it will help. It may not technically clarify much, but it does serve as a dandy distraction. [FEATURED TAGS: Jana Jordan, Heather Vuur, Heather Vandeven Rita Faltoyano, Carli Banks, Marie Luv, Daisy Marie, Holly Wellin, Ginger Lea, Andie Valentino, Marlie Moore, Lena Nicole, Alana Langford, Alexis Love, Tiffany Sweet, Jenaveve Jolie, Kaiya Lynn, Mika Tan, Nikki Benz, Renee Perez, Exclusive Video, Michael Ninn] a fine way to consider the musical interludes more completely
10/9/07	We’ve done it to ourselves again. We don’t really have that many people working around here and everyone seems to be in the middle of one of those “Mega-Posts” that take a lot of time and organization. Consequently, if we ever make it through the queue, we’re quite certain you’ll be fascinated and intrigued … or maybe just entertained. We can live with either. Until then, we’ve taken a moment to appreciate Dee’s breasts, which if you’ve ever wondered turns out to be a dandy way to motivate people in the workplace. Now we have to be honest and point out that it may not work for all of you in all of your work places, but if it does, feel free to share. Dee’s very friendly as a rule. [FEATURED TAGS: Dee, D.Minion]
10/5/07	Well, we’re not exactly sure what an “Old Wave Hooker” would be, except maybe Xaviera Hollander. And we certainly have no idea what a “Neu Wave Hooker” might be, presumably because we’re much to old. Still, we have a very good idea about a couple of “New Wave Hookers” and how artists like Gregory Dark and Michael Ninn interpret them. Hey, if you have to start a weekend, doing it with hookers is always a good idea. (Please don’t tell your mom we said that.) [FEATURED TAGS: Juli Ashton Video, Asia Carrera Video, Felecia Video, Vicca, Nikita, Stacy Valentine, Exclusive Video, Michael Ninn, Risque News Insight]
10/02/07	How about we go back to something a little more normal here? OK. So we don’t really have all that “normal” in the grand scheme of “normal” around here, but how about we go back to something that doesn’t involve fairly dubious fact checking? We can be absolutely certain of what happened when D.Minion was on Day Two of the Mamacitas 8 set, and we have over 150 pictures to prove it. That Dee, she’s a talented thing, ain’t she? [FEATURED TAGS: Dee, Alexis Silver, Lena Juliette, Nataly, D.Minion] Come to your Mamacita

July 2007 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

7/31/07	Sometimes you just need to look at something from a different perspective to recognize the obvious. Of course usually the new “angle” on everything also brings its own myriad of confusion, but if you try to boil it down to its essence, the situation often becomes more clear. Then you can add in a little scientific analysis and that might help, and you might even consider a dash of philosophy or even a metaphysical conceit or two if you’re really brave. Very soon everything will just look even more complicated than it was before started trying to look at it clearly and so you just wing it and hope for the best. That’s what we do. It may not work all of the time, but it makes for a nice way to go through life. [FEATURED TAGS: Jana Jordan, Lena Nicole, Renna Ryann, Sophia Lynn, Exclusive Video]
7/23/07	We’ve been working madly way behind the scenes here, and there’s a big announcement on the horizon. Oddly enough, it’s not nearly as distant a horizon as many we’ve foretold around here, so that’s nice. Maverick’s also chiming in today about what he’s going to be doing, which doesn’t help all that much, but he’s also got an exclusive “view” (and we mean that literally) of a famous British porn star named Sandie. Odd, but we still think of the Olivia Newton John character in Grease when we hear that name. … Hmm. We probably shouldn’t admit that, right? … Oh, and incidentally, we have no idea why Maverick takes pictures of upside down naked women, and we really didn’t want to ask. [FEATURED TAGS: Sandie Caine, Jana Jordan, Renee Perez, Lena Nicole, Alana Langford, Alexis Love, Tiffany Sweet, Carli Banks, Marlie Moore, Michael Ninn, Maverick]
7/16/07	What could be better than “Dee Penetrated” you may wonder. Well, apparently it could be Dee Exposed, because … well, you’ll have to read about it if you really care. Dee herself didn’t seem to mind whatever title we used, as she was just along for the ride … so to speak. Another thing that’s really, really good is a fresh bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich when the bacon is hot and thick-sliced, and the tomatoes are vine-ripened, but honestly we can only give you D.Minion’s account of our Delectable Dee today. You’ll have to make your own lunch. [FEATURED TAGS: Dee, Michael Ninn, D.Minion]
7/14/07	It could be that a little bit of thinking goes a long way when you’re talking about your basic porn site. Of course our goal has never been to BE “your basic porn site” so you would think that we could think – and you’d then think that our thinking made you think. Which might not be as helpful as you might have thought it was going to be, truth be told. We’d tell you what we think about this, but we’ve clearly done more than enough thinking to last us for quite some time. Don’t you think? [FEATURED TAGS: Vanessa Hill Video, Electra Angel Video, Linda Shane Video, Kenzie Ryan Video, Laura Capri Video, Michael Ninn, Exclusive Video]
7/11/07	Most of the time we choose to be a little more forthcoming out here on the free side, but every once in awhile it suits one to be a little more circuitous in our approach. That’s OK. If we tell you we have some “secret stuff” to talk about (and show off) today, and then we tell you what it is … well, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore, now would it? Sometimes the simple approach works best, which happens to be another lesson we hope to demonstrate. [FEATURED TAGS: Julia Ann, Juli Ashton Video, Michael Ninn, Exclusive Video, D.Minion]
7/7/07	Well, we made it through the post, but it was a weird one. Of course we can say that almost all of the time, so maybe that doesn’t mean much. Still, not all of the posts are about Erotica Los Angeles, 2007 so that’s one difference. And at first blush while all of these conventions seem pretty much the same (especially to those of us that have been to 50+ of them) they all have their own … um … uniqueness, let’s call it. Of course there seemed to be surprisingly little blushing on the show floor this year, well except from Lon and D.Minion while they were smothered on a bed by Julia Ann’s breasts right in the middle of the crowd on Saturday. Well, maybe you’ll have to read about it. Some things are too weird even for us to explain. [FEATURED TAGS: Erotica LA, Stormy Daniels, Jessica Drake, Julia Ann, Lon]
7/5/07	We’re putting on an “Innocent” front today, at least while we’re putting the final touches on the Lon/D.Minion story of Erotica LA this year. We haven’t heard from his doctors but last we saw Lon he was still gasping from rolling around on the bed with Julia Ann – which seems perfectly understandable if you think about it. So you can take a moment to ponder how this might have come about in the first place, and then you can try to figure out how these two words go together Innocence: Rebel. We figure it’s only in the world of Michael Ninn, but that’s always an OK place to be, so we’re just going to go with it. We’ve seen the pictures, though, and while “rebellious” might come to mind, we didn’t get many “innocent” vibes here. Naturally, of course, we consider this to be a very good thing. [FEATURED TAGS: Alana Langford, Presley Maddox, Lena Nicole, Amber Rayne, Denice K., Jennifer Dark, Michael Ninn]

April 2007 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

4/23/07	Some of us are taking off today, folks, and we just wanted to let you know. It’s been six years since the “leader” (whatever the heck that means, and why the heck would anyone want to be one of those anyway?) has taken a true vacation, and that’s what’s going to happen. Allegedly many, many things will be ongoing in abstentia, but … well … allegedly, and all. … Regardless, everyone enjoy a little bit of the spring time in your area and we’ll see you the second week of May. It might work; who knows? My dad always used to say, “Columbus took a chance.” … Of course I’d always respond that, “He had to run because he was schtupping the Queen and the King found out; he didn’t really land where everyone thinks he landed, and, besides, he’s dead.” I’ve never been very good at lessons, in case you hadn’t noticed.
4/23/07	You know the thing about controversial opinions? They’re easy to ignore and just get on to the serious jobs of looking at Julia Ann and Kristal Summers naked. If you’re the thinking sort of person, controversial opinions might also be good to argue with (and when you’ve got Juli Ashton on your side that’s an easy thing to do), but even thinking people tend to get distracted by Julia Ann and Kristal Summers naked. (You can see that, right?) You think this is why thinking people don’t run for public office? And would we really want someone in public office that has never seen Julia Ann and Kristal Summers naked? … We think NOT! … Of course sometimes we’re wrong. And sometimes we’re right. … It gets confusing, if you want to know the truth. [FEATURED TAGS: Julia Ann, Kristal Summers]
4/19/07	We’re thinking about Contract Players in general today, which bring up the anticipated thoughts of Jana Jordan and perhaps some slightly less obvious ones about Anais. Then we’re also thinking about Katsumi, Vanessa Hill, Anna Karin, Dillan Lauren, Rita Faltoyano, Kelly Taylor, Rita Faltoyano, Nikita Denise, Brittney Skye and Kenzie Ryan, so we’re really pretty busy, all things considered. Still, if you have to be busy, being so with a collection of women this beautiful pretty much makes it OK. And all in all, pretty much OK seems like a fine goal for any day. [FEATURED TAGS: Jana Jordan Video, Anais Video, Katsumi, Vanessa Hill, Anna Karin, Dillan Lauren, Rita Faltoyano, Kelly Taylor, Rita Faltoyano, Nikita Denise, Michael Ninn, Exclusive Video]
4/13/07	We looked up the origins of triskaidekaphobia today, because we thought this would make for a fascinating exposé – not to mention appropo, considering the “lucky” chap always roaming the hallways here. Then after sufficient research we decided, Naw. That’s too confusing. Let’s just show off Jana Jordan and the XRCO Awards we just attended. … Now it’s not that we avoid the technical and generally run from anything that’s too complicated around here …. Oh, wait a minute. … It’s EXACTLY like that. Our bad. … Heeere’s Jana (and Kristal Summers, and TJ Hart, and some others by the way) … [FEATURED TAGS: XRCO Awards, Kristal Summers, Jana Jordan Video, Georgia Jones, TJ Hart, Nikita Denise, Michael Ninn, Exclusive Video, D.Minion]
4/7/07	Imagine you have the chance to meet Heather Vuur. Now imagine you have a chance to meet Heather Vandeven. … Obviously those of you “in the know” would thus know that this would be the same thing, however confusing it sounds. Well, today, unless you happen to live in Hollywood and are very, very fortunate, you don’t have either of the choices anyway. Sorry. But you do have a chance to see D.Minion’s coverage of Meet Heather, and you do have a chance to see a home that reaches the absurd in its ability to store clothing. Also, Selina Draagen, Kellemarie, Kelly Kline, and Zoë Britton are hanging around and they don’t seem to care about clothes at all. Sometimes in life even “just what you get” can be rather dandy. [FEATURED TAGS: Heather Vuur Video, Heather Vandeven Video, Selina Draagen Video, Kellemarie, Kelly Kline, Zoë Britton, Lorraine Sisco, Michael Ninn, Exclusive Video, D.Minion]
4/1/07	If you do the unusual all of the time, does it then become usual? And if it’s now usual then how can it be unusual at the same time? Fortunately, as with many philosophical questions, our standard answer works quite well: We don’t care. For example, whenever there’s a bear in the woods, our goal remains never to be around long enough to see what it does there. Speaking of animals, though, we think someone might be pulling our leg on this April Fool’s Day. The “usual” possibility exists that Bubblegum the Dog did not in fact write this account of when Jana visited Innocence. We’re usually very skeptical, which clearly makes it not unusual. [FEATURED TAGS: Jana Jordan, Alexis Love, Lena Nicole, Amber Rayne, Jamie Elle, Alana Langford, Sasha Grey, Michael Ninn]