Kylie Ireland has a birthday today, and we love to celebrate. Naturally our celebrations will on occasion take on a tone perhaps slightly different from most people’s, but we do so enjoy them. [Except for the tequila: A lot of people celebrate with tequila.]
Most of us here (Bijou being the odd heterosexual exception) just love to put on a background of lesbian porn at our parties. When the person actually celebrating the anniversary of their birth happens to be an honest-to-goodness adult performer, we can ask all sorts of fun questions in between wolfing down sliders with a variety of sauces and snarfing strawberry shortcake made with strawberries grown about 200′ from the front door of the office. [We do get sort of spoiled with all the fresh produce here in the middle of California.]
Bisexual Birthdays in Series … (One of the Truly Fun Parts of Being in the Risque Family, Quite Honestly)
The scene selected for Kylie’s birthday this time, however, brought up an issue the women of the group felt worth mentioning. Clearly a heterosexual male made this selection. [Full disclosure, we cannot be 100% certain what he does at home, but it was a choice made by a male.]
You see, men and women pick sexual gifts differently. For the most part, for example, men select giant dildoes for their women, while women tend to choose smaller versions with more potential uses and vibration variations. [Ironically, Kylie herself might be an exception to this “rule,” but it holds as a general principle.]
The same oddity between the sexes holds true when selecting “special occasion” ménage à trois partners as well. While a woman can bring home basically anything with a pulse to make her man happy, if she finds a willing and barely 19 version, he will be so grateful she’ll probably not have to be nice to him again for another year. [You know, just because something happens to be true, that’s no reason to be mean about it.] If the occasion means anything special — in other words, more than just quick physical fun — she will not pick the same way. You can bring home a young man for your woman, or assuming she happens to be one of the willing variety, you can bring home a woman at least in the ballpark of her age. You can probably even bring home an “older” man or woman, but if you really want her to enjoy herself, be very, very careful about deciding some half her age playmate will titillate your lovely wife or girlfriend. It goes without saying that she can bring home any woman she’s willing to kiss and play with, and a dude will be thrilled, of course. [Enough.]
As mentioned, when we saw this scene in the archives, el jefe asked Kylie about it. Shayla has on numerous occasions mentioned a discomfort with vastly younger women, and, as it turns out, Kylie has the same response. Although glowing in her reports about Ashyln’s looks, demeanor, personality, [and taste, actually], Kylie ended the memory with “It felt kind of dirty — and not necessarily in the fun way.” Next time, should you want to impress a woman, you might think about asking a woman how to go about doing that.
Should you wish copious advice about women, their individual quirks, and of course more Bisexual Birthdays, joining Kylie or the Risque Commune would make you appear both intelligent and dedicated. … Really. … Swear.