by Nobody Special
We have always had an ongoing fascination with the manner in which people not wishing to go about professionally with their real names will happen upon a fake name that just tickles their fancy. You have absolutely zero say in your real name, obviously, as you were too young to offer much in the way of specific opinion at the precise moment someone made a decision to write it on a birth certificate. Whether you grew to love it, hate it, or pick some different nickname altogether, you always have that “Legal ID” following you around — at least until you get old enough to file a bunch of papers with a court to change it, for whatever reason.
With a “Stage Name,” however, you have more or less complete control. Consequently, we find them substantially more interesting.
Reasonably considered, males do not enter this profession with an underdeveloped sense of sexual prowess, so as you might expect, you can find a handful of name choices using Nail or Pound, and no less than 87 using some variation of Hammer. On the upside, we have never heard of a Cross-Cut Saw, so that seems good. Driver might sound clever should you find yourself in a hurry, as nearly two dozen men — and two women that we could find — apparently believed. Then you have your expected manly terms like Steel or Thrust or some variation of the straightforward Hard. Let’s be honest: Men are simple creatures.
Women performers tend to be substantially more interesting, ranging in extremes from the use of their actual first or middle names to something completely random. You might be surprised to learn how many female star names happen to be literal streets or cities in the Los Angeles area, for example. Then of course success breeds imitation in the world, so we have had a surge of Ashtons and Kylies and a rash of over 100 Jennas — all hopelessly belittled by over 500 female stars using Lynn, which almost has to be the most popular, both because a lot of people are actually named that, and, y’know, Ginger.