Honestly we have no idea why an entire religious faith would have one special day dedicated to hurrying along one specific woman, but we try to be accepting of most beliefs around here. Consequently, in honor of our good buddy Lon, who happens to understand this religious faith, we humbly offer Rushing Hannah. [STAR TAGS: Kylie Ireland Video, Jenna Jameson Video, Felicia Video, Cheyenne Silver]

Consider the sobriquet. While that was to be the original plan today, courtesy toward friends closed off that avenue of inspection. We considered a more subtle analysis of the word itself, seemingly a blend of sober and briquettes, bringing to mind an altogether unsatisfying BBQ without beer, but that seemed an approach to Georgia Jones and Jana Jordan too obtuse even for us. Suddenly D.Minion roared into the room shouting, “Hey! They have the last season of Bones on Netflix now!” … And at that point we simply decided to let people figure it out for themselves. Amidst all the glitz of this world, you often find the most basic searches for human happiness. [STAR TAGS: Jana Jordan Video, Georgia Jones Video, Faye Reagan, Michael Ninn]

Somewhere in the neighborhood of 11,000 new citizens will be born in America today, and they will never know a world not under the enveloping threat of terrorism. We do what we can to continue our lives without being incapacitated by fear — the skill of cognizant ignorance being one many in the world consider the United States a champion. Kristal Summers helps us out again in a rare serious commentary from D.Minion. If you’d prefer to just have the short answer, we can give you that here: It’s sad that so many people will never know the feeling that came when flying was part of the fun of vacation. [STAR TAGS: Kristal Summers]

As the 2014 NFL Season launches tonight, we have come up with a simple solution for this silly “Do we have to change the name of the Washington Redskins because some people find it offensive?” debate. Rather than get all bogged down in ever-evolving Political Correctness, D.Minion has theorized that they can simply leave the name alone and change the mascot to a potato. We have never seen even one offended potato running around with lobbyists, and every game program could feature a nice recipe, like roasting with garlic and rosemary. … See? Thinking outside the box. We do that — with the assistance of Michelle Maylene this time around. … Someone call Roger Goodell. [STAR TAGS: Michelle Maylene Video]

Much like parenting, you can never have favorites among your offspring. Also just like parenting, every manager has favorite clients, regardless of whether or not she or he ever admits it out loud. So as we close D.Minion’s final look at Georgia Adair’s final movie, we intend no implication of favoritism here. All clients are equal. Georgia was just a little more equal. … She became. She saw. She opted out of conquering. [STAR TAGS: Georgia Adair, Sue Diamond, Marlene, Victoria Sin, Michael Ninn]