May 2011 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff


A great many things in life turn out to be memorable, and today (at least in America) we celebrate some of the most daring sacrifices in our history. We don’t as a rule wish misfortune, however severe, on any person, but the attack on our little benevolent site yesterday morning did manage to peeve us for a couple of hours. You may have noticed the “hacked” warnings if you tried to log on early in the day, which at least means the security settings are acting as programmed. It basically locks everything down so we can find the vermin and exterminate them, but that’s handy too. Having determined the cause of the problem, we will give them this bit of advice, should they be reading risque still: You should move. We know where you live. … On a much happier note, Shayla’s around once again and has helped us take our minds off of people that have nothing better to do than wreak random acts of digital violence. [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux] 

Shayla's Definite Improvement on the Traditional Flagpole

Have you ever run across the perfect word, long forgotten in the recesses of your brain, and then found yourself using it all the time over the course of a day? Well that happened to us today, which wouldn’t be that odd except the word happens to be “sycophant” – which really shouldn’t apply all that often one would think. On the other hand we admittedly lead weird lives around here, and we do tend to rather appreciate the efforts of a clever sycophant, so there you go. Maverick also puts forth some effort to pun the last name of Tanya Cox, but compared to the $10 word effort, that just seemed rather simplistic. Regardless of literary merit, however, we’re thinking you will probably like the Tanya video on better anyway. You just can’t reason with some people.  [FEATURED TAGS: Tanya Cox Exclusive Video,] 

Tanya Cox, Sans Pox

So who even knew the wind could blow 200 mph on dry land? Presumably some people alive enough to pay attention to tornados back in 1974 might remember, but none of us around here falls into that category. (Well, Gibby and Steve might, but we didn’t ask them out of politeness.) Still, they call it “Mother Nature” for a reason, and we all remember a few times in our lives when mama just felt a need to make her presence more keenly felt – at least before a “time out” became a presumably reasonable method of punishment. In a rather more pleasant vein today, though, we give you Brea Bennett, playing her own version of a woman requiring attention. Interestingly enough, this lesson doesn’t suck at all. [FEATURED TAGS: Brea Bennett Video, Jayme Langford Video, Michael Ninn]

The Eyes of Brea's Storm

Don’t you just hate it when you feel like a complete idiot? All this time we’ve been worried about the NFL Labor Dispute (with capital letters, don’t you know), and the whole time we could have been watching the new Lingerie Football League. OK. So the web site(s) are designed poorly, featuring a user interface baffling to even those of us that do this for a living. Worse, every time you land on a page, when it finally loads, a process that takes way too long (because of poor implementation to go along with the poor design), it will start making horribly loud sounds without you doing a thing. This has been the benchmark for “amateur” for at least the last ten years in web development, by the way. And don’t even get us started on the use of all caps in the meta tags. … Despite all that, though, the League features women playing tackle football in amazingly skimpy outfits. Tom Brady can now just keep on suing whomever he wants for as long as he wants. We’re happy. … Oh! And you can hear about Shayla LaVeaux playing with herself today too. We forgot to mention. [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux, Brittany Andrews]

Brittany Andrews should be in the Lingerie Football League. Right?

You can probably think of a great many ways to apologize, without ever admitting any culpability, of course, because otherwise where’s the skill in that? In our particular case, however, we’ll have to admit it becomes a heck of a lot easier if you have a bunch of Anais footage tucked away. You may have considered as you’ve gone through life, that very beautiful people just don’t seem to live under the same set of rules as the rest of us. Now we’re not arguing with that assessment at all, but we will say that it’s darned handy to have a few of them as friends every once in awhile. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea, Anais Video, Michael Ninn]

Cytherea Helping Apologize Too

Speaking of “Capri” (and D.Minion does that today) … but strange shortish pants don’t encompass the bigger issue here. We need to set the stage a bit … So if you decide to hire a new secretary, and you decide to hire Cytherea for the job. And then if she decides to have sex in the office, you really should think about covering your computers in plastic or something. And if she decides to make that sex a 3-way, and you’re not invited to be one of the three, well, you should probably still get the plastic anyway – and maybe one of those shop vacuums that sucks up liquids too. That would be handy. And finally, you probably never, ever, want Cytherea and D.Minion to roam around the office when you’re not there. Hypothetically[FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea, Lylith LaVey]

Honestly, a REAL Secretarial Pool

Many, many types of smiles can play across a woman’s face, and if men spent more time looking at that part of the female anatomy, we might actually learn to recognize them. … That said, trying to understand women, and Friday the Thirteenth at the same time really seems like too much scariness at one time. Y’all (well, all the Members) can consider Office Darling Capri Anderson her beatific smiles. … Fun word, beatific … (Maybe the world needs more Tifics. You think?).  [FEATURED TAGS: Capri Anderson Exclusive Video, Bree Olsen]

Smile Looks Beatic to Us

For some odd reason, the post for May 1st didn’t seem to go up until after the post for May 5th – and both of them apparently added a day to their intended debuts. While this sort of messes up the whole Cinco de Mayo celebration thing, it does in retrospect demonstrate a May Day! May Day! concept that we pretty much live by all year long. … If you haven’t visited in the last few days it shouldn’t matter, but if have stopped by already this past weekend, you might pop on back to May 2nd (now) and be sure you’re caught up. Actually once you read that particular entry, you can probably guess what happened too. [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux, Raquel Devine]

Something Other Than Code Work

Alfred Hitchcock once said, “There is nothing quite so good as burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating.” … Given the events of this past week, that seems an oddly prescient view, don’t you think? … Fortunately for those of us not completely fixated on military spending all the time, we have a rather more enjoyable reason to use a couple of different Alfred Hitchcock quotes as D.Minion finishes up her on-the-set piece for Erica McLean’s Flying Pink Pig. If you think about it, this too can tie into more mainstream current events, as we can all be sure that this will be exactly when the government tells us the complete story about anything – when pigs fly. (All things considered, that’s probably a good thing, however.)  [FEATURED TAGS:  Sunny Lane, Nicki Hunter, Emy Reyes, Tessa Taylor, Megan Foxx, Exclusive Video, Erica McLean]

Sunny Lane Explaining How Pigs Can Fly

If you happen to be a male, and you happen to have ever been stuck in a store while a woman tried on a bunch of clothes, then you have a keen understanding of how difficult it can be to look absolutely nowhere at all, yet still keep your eyes open. On the other hand, if instead you happen to be at a shoot with a porn star while she tries on a bunch of different clothes, well, the experience differs dramatically. Basically, you just don’t feel like closing your eyes even for a moment. If all department stores employed porn stars, it would bring a whole level of enjoyment to that boring shopping exercise.  [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea, Kristal Summers Video]

Cytherea Sans Pantalones