Filed Under: Joey Valentine

March 2024 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

3/31/24 Shayla LaVeauxA rose by any other name … would still be beautiful, but would also poke the dickens (or Shakespeare in this case) out of you if you just tried to grab it without paying careful attention. While we’re almost positive that considering D.Minion’s “Sonnet Over 18” here will not actually draw blood, it might make you blink rapidly as you try to decipher it. Feel free to compose a ready mental response, such as “OK. Poetry. Shayla is beautiful. Got it.” before you head to the post today. After all, having virtual sex with Shayla and Olivia Del Rio tends to be a lot easier to understand than iambic pentameter. Also you have no reason to remember A-B, A-B, C-D,C-D, E-F, E-F, G-G. [STAR TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux Video, Olivia Del Rio Video]
3/29/24 Raylene

ReelRisque

Bench in an Elevator | vid

[STAR TAGS: Raylene Video]
3/28/24 Capri Anderson & Teagan Summers

ReelRisque

Brand New BFFs | pics

[STAR TAGS: Capri Anderson, Teagan Summers]
3/27/24 So a Haiku, a Fairy Tale, and a Limerick walk into a web site … No, really. … That’s what actually happens today. … We can’t really say “why” necessarily, because that would involve trying to understand D.Minion’s rationale, and we can assure you: Down that road madness lies. … On a more — let’s go with typically sane — route, we do at least get to show off Shayla cavorting in our small town on California’s Central Coast. Better yet, Shayla has chosen to do so with a distinct lack of clothing for the most part, although she does seem to take advantage of batteries purchased locally. We’ve even thrown in some of those fancy “movin’ pictures” displaying a similar sort of cavorting, even though the scene has nothing technically to do with the poems. Even though “eno” hates that, we figure he’ll forgive us this time. If he doesn’t we’re going to assign him the task of figuring out D.Minion. That’ll scare anyone into submission. [STAR TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux Video]
3/25/24 Veronique Vega

ReelRisque

Dream Deviance | pics

[STAR TAGS: Veronique Vega]
3/24/24 Syren Sexton“Hello Lightness, my old friend.” … And now you see why the Sound of Lightness remains substantially more upbeat and happy when compared to the Sound of Silence. Given that we call our version the Sounds of Syren, though we figure we won’t get sued. The 247 Team lined up a triple feature for today, though, each featuring Syren Sexton, so you can understand our excitement. We start (or finish) with Do Me POV, and because that seems like an interesting way to finish a photo shoot, we have both versions of Syren in BTS, part one and part two — just so you can get to know her a bit more. (Or maybe reacquaint yourself, whichever the case may be.) Bottom line, it’s always good to be Maverick. [STAR TAGS: Syren Sexton Exclusive Video, 247AdultStars.com] 
3/23/24 Cytherea

Cythereas

Good Things Coming. … Thought working. Was broken. Now fixed. Muy bueno.

[STAR TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video]
3/22/24 Siblings can be both the joy and the bane of existence in life — occasionally at the same time. When you happen to be a Tycoon, or so we hear, all the same problems just get magnified. More money equals more problems, as we understand conventional wisdom, although we have never met a poor person who would not be quite willing to put that theory to the test, truth be told. Life travails aside, more money also tends to equal more women, which brings up another whole area of social philosophy that we’ll avoid for now as well. We do know that bringing in Joey Valentine to help you forget your troubles will almost certainly work, regardless of the number at the bottom of your personal balance sheet. We also now know that if you do not handle your paperwork with honesty and integrity, New York may come in and take your stuff. That too — this time happily — falls outside our considerations at the moment, however. Joey distracted us, you see. [STAR TAGS: Joey Valentine Video]
3/21/24 What better way to celebrate the first full day of Spring than with the announcement that as of today, all of Cytherea’s exclusive videos have been restored on her site (Well, the Cythereas.com one, we mean, as she has had several over the years.) … OK. So come to think of it, being able to watch that first squirt back would be better than just hearing the announcement, but members can do that, and presumably they make up the vast majority of people reading this, so we’ll skip the pesky details and lead them to “Like Riding a Bike — A Very Wet Bike” quite happily. When life gives you “we cancelled Flash Video” lemons, enjoy all that you get to experience with Cytherea again. That’s our motto. … Or at least that would definitely be one of them. [STAR TAGS: Cythera Exclusive Video]
3/20/24 CythereaSometimes we do things today that will make more sense tomorrow. We admit that. Think of it, though, like your favorite television program where you watch an episode and then wait impatiently for the following week’s update. Think how much joy that always brings you. … Oh! And definitely do not think about waiting until an entire season drops to streaming so you can binge it all at once. That sort of thinking really messes with our metaphor here. … Besides, our series features Cytherea at the inception of her comeback trail with “Anew Twist on Adventure” which absolutely could never air on broadcast television — or even most of cable. Honestly, living outside the norm has its moments. [STAR TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video]
3/19/24 Brynn and Shayla

Shayla

Filled to the Brynn

[STAR TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux Video, Brynn Tyler Video]
3/18/24 Arial and MelanieSomeone famous posed the question, “What’s in a name?” … Or at least somehow that question became famous, maybe because everybody dies, and folks do seem to enjoy a tragedy — at least those that happen to other people. … We could pontificate on love more deeply now, of course, but one really should try to limit ambition on a Sunday afternoon. That has become the rule, right, at least until the NFL starts up again? Right now we should all be fascinated by the plethora of internet pundits with all their expert opinions on exactly how the draft will unfold over a month from now. Or one could simply ignore all that and consider typographical choices hidden within the conclusion of New Girls on the Block with us today. It may not be Shakespeare, but at least all the female roles are played by women. [STAR TAGS : Arial Rose Video, Melanie Masters Video]
3/17/24 Brooklyn Jade

GingerLynn

Kirsten Price – Joslyn James – Brooklyn Jade – Nina Hartley – Zoey Foxx – Brooklyn Daniels

… And that’s just from Ginger’s past week, not including — of course — new movies, video podcasts, and Ginger’s Diary from her career
3/16/24 Alexa GraceAnyone that remembers English class in school could tell that a homonym is not in fact an elderly gay person. That person could also likely tell you the difference between denotation and connotation as regards a single word. Then again, the people that do remember these — we’ll call them not always valuable — bits of knowledge probably do not command large audiences on a regular basis either. Basically, most people will read the adjective “Deviant” before the word “Massage” and be quite happy to consider the intended consequences here without even bothering to consider the niceties of the English language. We feel sad for those people, of course, and we hope they get ice cream soon. That should be available to people regardless of their vocabulary. [STAR TAGS: Alexa Grace Video, Iris Rose Video, Kylie Kalvetti Video, Jojo Kiss Video]
3/15/24 Sasha HeartIf you do not happen to be talking about the weather, we tend to associate good things with the word hail. (Even with the weather hail can be awe-inspiring and even fun to watch, although it does help if you’ve always wanted to give that golf ball look to your personal automobile.) Consequently, when we Hail Sasha Heart, you probably feel like you get a good idea of what will be in store for today. To that we can only advise, “Oh, Hail No!” … This inflection obviously gives an entirely new perspective to the word hail. We do that, as long-time members can attest. Although there will be zero frozen spheres falling from the sky in this update, you may find some real-life stories that can sting just a bit. [STAR TAGS: Sasha Heart, Erica McLean]
3/12/24 Kissy Kapri

ReelRisque

A Piercing Gaze | pics

[STAR TAGS: Kissy Kapri Video]
3/10/24 Heather VandevenWe all like to do favors for friends. … Or we all profess to like doing favors for friends just so long as those friends never actually ask us to do any of those favors. … Or perhaps our friend count just goes way, way down when it comes to agreeing to favors. … Whatever the case, at least around here we have found that no matter what the favor asked (so far), we basically agree to anything that involves Heather Vandeven, who was Heather Vuur back when we knew her, but was allowed to change her name for Penthouse — you guessed it, as a favor. [STAR TAGS: Heather Vuur Video, Heather Vandeven Video, Emily Addison Video]
3/9/24 CythereaHave you ever seen one of those home remodeling shows? Even if you do not spend much time on HGTV, or DIY, or any of those other kinds of similar networks, you probably know what we mean. You spend an hour (minus commercials, so like 15 minutes) watching a bunch of unnaturally happy pretty people do something, and then you think, “Gosh. That looks easy. I could do that.” … And then thousands of dollars, maybe hundreds of hours, several bruises, and many, many cuss words later, you just hire the professionals to not only do the original job, but fix everything you broke in your own ill-advised efforts. Not saying that would be what happened today in You Say You Want an Evolution, but it could have. We professionals are much too kind to ever point that out, however. And we’re way too perky, of course. [STAR TAGS: Juli Ashton, Kristal Summers Exclusive Video, Dee Exclusive Video, Cytherea]
3/8/24 Teagan Summers

ReelRisque

Enlightening | pics

[STAR TAGS: Teagan Summers]
3/6/24 Alexis Love

ReelRisque

Runaway (Alexis) Love | pics

[STAR TAGS: Alexis Love]
3/5/24 Stormy Daniels

247AdultStars

Erotica back with the Real Stars

[STAR TAGS: Erotica LA, 2008, Stormy Daniels, Lexi Love, Daisy Marie, Jessica Drake, Sunny Lane, Rebeca Linares, Belladonna, Tory Lane, Briana Banks, Teagan Presley, Devon, Natasha Nice, 247AdultStars.com]
3/3/24 Drew Butterfly

ReelRisque

Butterfly is Free | vid

[STAR TAGS: Drew Butterfly Video]
3/2/24 Jojo Kiss

ReelRisque

Down to the Deed | pics

[STAR TAGS: Jojo Kiss]
3/1/24 Evan StoneWe have all heard that money does not buy happiness. And almost all of us at least have been willing to put that theory to the test, y’know, purely in the interests of science. Clearly, though, all those people with money care nothing about science because they sure seem reluctant to share the wealth with the rest of us. Still, we thought it might be worth a look at the “Tycoon” lifestyle just to see if everybody looked happy and all. Truth be told, we’re pretty much up for any trip that includes Roxy Jezel. She could read us a grocery list and we’d be captivated. [STAR TAGS: Roxy Jezel Video]
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August 2010 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

8/31/10

Did you ever see The Wedding Crashers? … Well we can assure you that you’ve never seen the concept explored quite the way that Cytherea does it. Come to think of it, Cy’s little “version” might have made a wonderful addition to the actual movie, and would even have contributed some exceptional comedic tension. … Of course if they had included this Cytherea bit, the movie probably wouldn’t have played in as many theaters as it did. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea]

Cytherea's Vision of Love
8/27/10

Let’s say you’d really enjoy a job where all you have to do all day long boils down to taking pictures of Shayla LaVeaux naked. In that case odds seem good that you’d feel like you have a pretty darned good job. It would also mean, of course, that you have D.Minion’s job, and if you’re curious – at least the way she explains it – you’ll have to pry the job out of her cold, dead, fingers. Of course that would be another issue altogether. Still it always makes us happy when we can work a Constitutional allegory into an adult web site introduction, and let’s face it, a naked Shayla LaVeaux pretty much makes everybody happy. [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux]

Shayla. Understand now?
8/25/10

As much as it seems like we try to avoid current events around here, sometimes we just can’t ignore them. To wit, Lon noticed an amazingly relevant article in his local Las Vegas paper that could have deeply personal ramifications for all of us at the January convention. It brings into play the potential for pithy commentary from our British arm, via the reporting of Dear Maverick, and it may quell feelings of despair for a situation that last year we felt portended ill for our favorite bargain lodging on the Strip. … To make it a little more interesting, assuming it be possible that you’re not planning on attending AVN’s annual shin-dig, we have also popped in a few rather sultry photos of Inari Vachs in bright yellow thigh-high boots that we’ve had floating around the office for some time. That always brightens a day, and, besides, how many times do you really get to say “to wit” in life? [FEATURED TAGS: Inari Vachs]

Inari Creating a Thish High Sigh
8/22/10

We have formally resolved, you may be glad to hear, to keep putting the “fun” back in dysfunctional. … OK. So as a technical matter that falls more into the “analysis of our usual situation made by a visiting friend this past week” than it does the “resolution” category. Still, we can’t see anything particularly wrong with this approach to life, and we certainly can’t argue with the assessment. If nothing else, today’s editorial and accompanying view of obscure architecture illustrates our philosophy perfectly. Don’t you just love it when that happens? [FEATURED TAGS: Tenaya Video, Erica McLean Video]

Fine Architecture in its Own Right
8/18/10

You English majors out there may remember that the final line of The Great Gatsby reads, “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” Now if you’ve actually read the book you’ll probably be a little worried here, but we can assure you that D.Minion’s fond account of Vicca and Nikita happens to be a whole lot more cheery than the resolution with Jay Gatsby (or Nick Carraway, if you’re a stickler for literary details). Let’s face it: If you feel a need to look back on life, having two beautiful Russian women in it helps a whole heck of a lot. [FEATURED TAGS: Vicca, Nikita, Juli Ashton, Doria,Savannah, Gina Stasia, Diva, Alexandra Silk, Shelly Jones, Angela Ayers]

OUR Femme Nikita
8/13/10

Now supposing you had a “leader” (of some sort or another) whose parents gave him the name “Lucky” at birth. You might be inclined to think that Friday the 13th could turn out to be atypically interesting days for folks that hang around with this chap, right? (Hey, after you’ve seen the name “Lucky” printed on an actual driver’s license, the whole leap into numerology and mythology really doesn’t take much. Trust us.) … At any rate, because of this special day, we decided to break our usual tradition and do back to back posts regarding the lovely Tenaya. It turns out the last entry stirred some feelings around here, and if an adult web site can’t share some stirring feelings with you, well what good are they anyway? [FEATURED TAGS: Tenaya]

More Good Clean Fun with Tenaya
8/9/10

Most of you know how much we love to celebrate holidays around here, so we just had to do something special this morning. … What holiday, you may wonder? … Why, naturally, it’s “eight, nine, ten” – and you don’t even have to be a history (or math) whiz to know that this just doesn’t happen very often. Odds are good we’ll be around for “nine, ten, eleven” and probably even “ten, eleven, twelve” – but after that all bets are off. If any of us are around for the next “eight, nine, ten” well, we’d better be a lot richer by then. That’s all we have to say. Well, except that we’re celebrating today with Tenaya. We should probably mention that. [FEATURED TAGS: Tenaya Video]

Tenaya in a Slightly Less Revealing Moment
8/7/10

Kristal Summers makes a darned fine office assistant, an assessment you’ll likely agree with after today. Of course Kristal Summers makes a darned fine almost anything, so perhaps that’s not saying much. On the other hand, when you have an entire day devoted to Kristal, how much time do you really need to waste saying anything at all? [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers]

Kristal Dresses Up an Office, Doesn't She?
8/3/10

If you think of the lyrics “What EVA … Cocks Your Pistol, What EVA … Toots Your Whistle” and then you think of a clever parody of a classic Statler Brothers song, well, you’d have the same brain as exactly one person in the office here. If, however, when you think of EVA you think of “Angelina” why then you’d match everyone else. Depending upon whom you ask here, you’d either be a very savvy aficionado of adult movie fare, or woefully ignorant in your knowledge of 1970’s country music. You get to determine whether a failure in either area bothers you more as you go with D.Minion coincidentally on set with Eva Angelina. We should warn you: This will be one of those “better have a beer with you” sorts of posts. Maybe two. [FEATURED TAGS: Eva Angelina, Angela Stone, AJ Bailey, Joey Valentine, Wanda Curtis, Michael Ninn]

Eva with A Leg Up on the Competition
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