Aunt’s in His Pants
by Tab Woo
Insights Illustrated by Tanya Tate
Should you be of a certain age, you may recall a description of a (generally young) person displaying signs of agitation or discomfort in the surroundings with the saying, “He has ants in his pants.”
The expression just meant the general state of being fidgety that one often observes in very young males. It was not some deep commentary on intellectual acumen or a theory as to future earning potential. It was just a way of presenting something simple in a very complicated manner, a practice that seemed quite common in those allegedly good ol’ days. Of course in those days, it was also always a “he” no matter the presence or absence of a penis hidden within, so we apply good regarding those days with those italics decidedly intended.
Now any student of literature could wax poetic on whether the wealthy or the poor appear more prone to, say, poking within the family pool, but that really matters not today. Ever cognizant — at least in theory — of some vague too far over the (legal) line “plots” even in fantasy, our characters today take great pains to convey a related by marriage, not blood scenario. Suffice it to say, that hardly qualifies as the weakest point in the setup. That said, if your own suspension of disbelief abilities fairly cover the “any older woman wants to have sex with any younger man” strategy, you’ll likely be fine. Maybe I’d understand better if I’d ever had an aunt — by marriage — even remotely resembling Tanya Tate. Who knows?
At least Tanya has an accent well cool enough to make lines like, “Me and your Uncle Tom, it’s not going so well,” a whole lot easier to forgive. On the other hand, or both hands in this case, once her top comes off, pretty much all the words fail to register anyway. In this singular aspect, the producers set up a scenario that mimics real life almost perfectly, we would say.
None of that really matters, though, as “waxing poetic” hardly made the list of things to accomplish on this shoot (and pretty much everyone we know favors laser treatments over waxing these days anyway). Interestingly, though, another old “Risqué Debate” once again appeared in the communal discussion of the scene. You see Tanya and John keep up an admirable bit of “staying in character” amidst the carnality, and some of us find that ability rather off-putting to the fantasy. If we are to presume the performers actually caught up in the heat of the moment — at the risk of being overly literal — does not an ability to remember whom they are pretending to be exist at odds with that?
Put simply, if you can remember to boink in character, it can’t really be that good of a boinking, can it?
