Filed Under: Goldie

July 2012 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

7/30/12

Maintaining our Risqué ne’er say intrepid reporter philosophy, our keen operatives managed to catch up with the Queen after she had parachuted into Olympic Stadium. Arriving with James Bond in time for the Opening Ceremonies. we can report the Queen “shaken, but not stirred” — just in case you were curious. … OK. So we made that up, we didn’t really see the Queen, and overall the word “intrepid” fits many more of us than it does not. Still, while the Queen might be interested in our discussion of homonyms, she might not appreciate the illustrations, primarily provided by Cytherea today. … On the other hand, London does have a fancy new Aquatics Centre, and our buddy Cy could bring a whole new level of interest to that particular place. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video, Ann Harlow Video, MichaelNinn.com]

Cytherea Keen on the Queen
7/27/12

Hey! Did you know that America has a two-time Gold Medal fencing champion? Well, when she gets done with these Olympics, we’re going to try and get her to go spend some time at Steve’s house, because his chickens keep getting out. He could use one of those fencing experts for a few days. … Until then, of course, we will be diligently watching the event which always teaches us not only the wide range of bizarre sports that constitute Olympic events, but also demonstrates the distinct value of having a television set in the office. We will probably keep including various beautiful women displayed in various sexual situations too; that is, after all, what we do. Consequently for our “Opening Ceremonies” we begin with Kristal Summers and An Analysis of MILF Relativity. [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers Video, Deauxma Video, Cate Harrington Exclusive Video, 247AdultStars.com]

MILF Relativity
7/24/12

Gauging from the national weather service, should one wish to spend some time in Dallas these days, one would be well advised to do so via the Dallas XXX variety courtesy of Adam & Eve. D.Minion offers up her Day Two Tribute this time around, and all of the naked photos of Bobbi Starr and Alexis Ford might even get you to ignore all ones of the puppy. She was a cute little thing, though; we’ll have to give her that — the dog, we mean. Bobbi and Alexis passed “cute” a long time ago. So far we have yet to see a canine that falls into the “sexy as hell” category, and we’re just fine with that actually. [FEATURED TAGS: Bobbi Starr Exclusive Video, Alexis Ford, AdamAndEve.com]

Bobbi Starr
7/21/12

D.Minion has taken her annual “Girls’ Weekend Away” again, thus leaving no one around to keep the company rudder from taking us, well, who knows where? While we do happen to be smart enough not to point out that a “weekend” for most people does not in fact equal five full days, we somehow always forget all the really important things D.Minion leaves behind in her copious notes. Honestly, as far as any of us can remember, not one single person has ever read even one of those notes, and yet DM persists in their creation time and time again. Since we do realize that only members will be able to see what chaos we have wrought this time around, we did decide to pass along the same Secret to Happiness in Life that we always provide for D.Minion: Lowered Expectations. … See? Now you can go to bed content, even if you’re not a Member. Of course to be Really Happy you should be, but that will be a topic for another day. Right now we’re not expecting much. [FEATURED TAGS: Julia Ann, Keri Windsor Video, Charlie Video, Shayla LaVeaux, 247AdultStars.com]

Keri Windsor and Julia Ann
7/16/12

Even adult industry members can do good deeds and care about culture and society in general. … Gosh. Who knew, right? … Well, we’re still in the process of sorting the massive amounts of Shayla LaVeaux we acquired last week, along with the smaller amount, but equally as fun, “data” on Cytherea, but D.Minion has already picked out her most ominous photograph “since forever” (according to her). While we talk about (and hopefully promote) a wonderful cause on tap in the next couple of weeks we will leave to you the task of figuring out our perhaps not quite as wonderful — but still quite hysterical — pun. You see, while encouraging the protection of domestic animals and their rescue shelters we decided to illustrate with moving pictures of a slang expression for cat. We’re clever that way. [FEATURED TAGS:  Julia Ann Video, Brea Bennett Video, Shayla LaVeaux Exclusive Video]

Hot Topic
7/15/12

The alleged leaders have returned from the latest “content acquisition vacation” which historically has proven to be an optimum collection of new material to roll out over the next few months: We ended up with more than we thought we would, but a little less than we had hoped for. While we sit down and try to bring some sense of organization to the thousands of files we thought it best to return with an easy volley. When you have Kristal Summers and Shayla LaVeaux to help pass the time, life seems pretty good as it turns out — even if it can be confusing. [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers]

Wrestling with Kristal’s Life
7/9/12

Come to find out, when your “B-Cup” runneth over in D.Minion’s office it has nothing to do with your bra size. Rather than spend too much time on the dangerous road that is DM’s mind, though, we decided to offer up a dandy gift in the persons of Kristal Summers and Lola — interestingly in Vegas at the time of this shoot. You see, the leaders head out today, also en route to Las Vegas and what they assure the rest of us will be “nothing but work” for the week. Of course we don’t believe them, but we do enjoy Kristal and Lola gifts — particularly when enhanced by Shayla and Cytherea. [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers Video, Lola Video, Juli Ashton Video, Shayla LaVeaux Exclusive Video, Cytherea Exclusive Video, Dee]

The Dee Drop In
7/4/12

All of us have become quite familiar with scope of accomplishments over our lives. Those possessing a bit of the wisdom that comes with age — mental or literal — have learned to celebrate both major and minor perspectives in fact. Given our place in the digital entertainment environment, we decided that putting a distinctly risqué slant (as it were) on the more traditional celebrations of Independence on this Day would be just the thing to help situations heat up in the afternoon before exploding at night. … If you got more than Bar-B-Que and Fireworks out of that allusion, then you understand our aims completely. Think Labia when you consider both Major and Minor. [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux Exclusive Video]

Shayla LaVeaux Helping the Celebration
7/1/12

Just a little bit of thought would seem to support the theory that not very many posts on an adult web site end with a prayer, but around here we have learned one of life’s most important lessons — if not the most important: Play the hand you’re dealt. … With that in mind, you should probably be aware that much of today’s discussion centers around Kristal Summers’ delightful derrière, so the religious overtones are slight. … Well, come to think of it, a great many people, when viewing Kristal’s butt for the first time, often seem to exclaim, “Oh, dear God … .” [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers Exclusive Video, Summer Cummings Exclusive Video, Goldie Exclusive Video]

This butt. Something else too.

June 2012 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

6/29/12

Maverick fills out his Festive Fridays in June on 247AdultStars today, but sadly he has run out of AEE reports. He filled in this week with the definitively delicious “Natalia” in a “Dreamy” solo sequence. We figured that would be just fine. You can also jump to Cytherea’s “Slut Sniffing” theory from here, in case you missed it over on CythereasWetWorld, just because we’re helpful like that. By the way, D.Minion wanted us to include the fact that Gutenberg first published his Bible in 1455 while we were putting together this New Stuff listing, but we just couldn’t figure out how to do that. So we decided not to. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video, Natalia Forrest Exclusive Video, Michelle Maylene, 247AdultStars.com]

MIchelle Maylene
6/27/12

It seems the U.S. Military pulled their “consultancy” support for Hollywood’s blockbuster film, The Avengers, because they had a problem with it being in their opinion “unrealistic.” Apparently the immortal guy with the magic hammer was no problem, nor did the fellow made out of rocks stretch credulity, but the “S.H.I.E.L.D.” group has no system in place for taking advantage of proper military channels or necessary respect for the chain of command. … Yeah, well, we’re not sure if Adam & Eve ever tried to enlist the assistance of actual Texas oil billionaires in the production of Dallas XXX, but D.Minion did not seem to focus on that aspect, at least during Day One of the production. Somehow we do not blame her. [FEATURED TAGS: Alexis Ford, India Summer]

Alexis Ford: Even Cooler than the Black Widow
6/22/12

Strangely enough Maverick has continued his commitment to having “Festive Fridays” this entire month with the conclusion of his Adult Industry Convention coverage today. Along the way, D.Minion passes us through the modern day Veronica Hart, and hopes we might even learn something in our travels. After all, hope does spring eternal in the human breast, and all. Come to think of it, that pretty much applies to porn conventions — well, the breast part at least — not so much the hope in some estimations. [FEATURED TAGS: Veronica Hart, Shayla LaVeaux, Cytherea Exclusive Video, Kristal Summers Exclusive Video, Devinn Lane Exclusive Video, Teagan Presley, Capri Anderson, Lexi Belle, Jynx Maze, Sophie Dee, Phoenix Marie, Kayden Kross, Jessie Jane, Riley Reid, Exclusive Video, 247AdultStars.com]

Toni English and John Stagliano - as you know them.
6/21/12

Celebrating the first full day of summer, we find ourselves having taken some heat of late for being “too early” in our helpful reminders for people. It seems that we have inadvertently hindered the mystery of our sisters in CythereasWetWorld.com and Shayla.com by being too quick to point out when new posts arrive there, that people can also view here. Naturally we feel awful, and have resolved to mend our evil ways. After all, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the bitchin’ … [FEATURED TAGS: Dee, Shayla LaVeaux Video, Juli Ashton Video, Inari Vachs, Rayveness] 

Dee
6/15/12

If you have to drive all the way out to the middle of the California desert, doing so in order that you might observe some very large-breasted naked women frolicking around does tend to make the trip less taxing. Of course when Kristal Summers, Summer Cummings, and Goldie (from the U.K., Maverick, so how about that?) decide to “frolic” you really might not know what to expect. Think “butt-stacking,” “hand-waving,” and large inflatable pool toys. … That’s what you guessed, right? [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers, Summer Cummings, Goldie, Jessica Drake, Alektra Blue, Jynx Maze, Sophie Dee, Alexis Texas, Kristina Rose, Bobbi Starr, Capri Anderson, Stormy Daniels, Kaylani Lei, Spencer Scott, Lexi Belle, Abella Anderson, Riley Reid, Tori Black, Belladonna, Cytherea, Exclusive Video, 247AdultStars.com]

Kristal Summers, Summer Cummings, and Goldie
6/13/12

For many people, “going through the Big D” refers to getting a divorce, those of course being the sophisticated country music fans among us. For the less enlightened, perhaps, the Big D might in fact mean Denver, but then depending upon where one lives, we suppose it could be like Decatur, Dubuque, Daytona, or maybe even Dublin. At Adam & Eve today, though, it means whatever Alexis Ford wants it to mean, and she picks “Dallas, XXX.” … Luuucy, she’s hooome … (Yeah, that was New York, we know. Whatever.) [FEATURED TAGS: Alexis Texas Exclusive Video]

Dallas XXX
6/11/12

We learned over the weekend that apparently a couple other groups in the country have a “Big Three” on staff. Hmm. Go figure. Of course our Big Three handle very important decisions like which beautiful naked porn star we get to talk about on which day, or which XXX movie we get to show off when. And another of our Big Three figures out how best to display these pithy and revealing insights, continually playing with new technology to accomplish these “nude by design” goals. (OK. So the third of our Big Three is basically in charge of Mexican food, but around here that’s very important.) All of that said, in deference to the Oklahoma City Thunder and Miami Heat fans, we will admit this: Your Big Threes are taller. [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers, Cytherea Exclusive Video, Amytheist Stone Video, Taylor Anne Video, Michael Ninn]

Kristal Summers - Quite Content Being Short
6/9/12

Somehow we don’t seem to have seen as many fun bumper stickers driving around the LA freeways lately, although D.Minion found one she claims to identify with that said, “I’m a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie World.” Honestly, DM’s a lot more “Anne” rather than “Ann” but we try not to mention that to her very often, and we don’t talk about it certainly. How do you explain to people that the lead writer for your adult news site has the largest collection of Sonny and Cher collectibles you have ever seen, after all? Odd what motivates some people, although at least we understand the Shayla ones a lot more than Mary Kate and Ashley (also DM favorites). [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux Exclusive Video, Olivia Parrish Exclusive Video, Cytherea Exclusive Video, Ginger Lynn, Christy Canyon, Sienna West, Bree Olsen, Jessie Andrews, Lily Carter, Kagney Linn Karter, Tori Black, Missy Rhodes, Selena Rose, Alexis Texas, Brooklyn Lee, Skin Diamond, Holly Michaels, Riley Reid, Kristina Rose, Exclusive Video, 247AdultStars.com]

The “Parrish” of Ms. LaVeaux
6/4/12

The reigning “Diminutive Minion” in our midst has always demonstrated a certain piquancy in her life — a trait that makes some degree of sense considering what we do for a living. True, the things that baffle her continues to grow as rapidly as technology moves forward, but D.Minion consistently maintains a keen devotion to the beautiful — and regularly nude — among us. Consequently, while DM can meander a bit in prose, we really can’t argue with her focus on Kristal Summers and Cytherea. … So we do not. [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers, Cytherea Video, Michael Ninn]

Penthouse Poster
6/1/12

An ambitious Maverick has decided to update 247AdultStars.com every Friday this month, according to plan with (finally) the U.K. take on a new AVN approach this year to the AEE. We assume the 247 crew has set an unusual system in place to accomplish this goal, and have thus promised that we will vary our usual “oh, by the way” approach to their updates with coinciding entries of our own. Of course you likely have heard what “assume” does, and we all know to Beware Geeks Bearing Gifts. So caveat yada, yada … . (We made that last sentence up ourselves, but feel free to make it a common part of the American vernacular. It does have a certain flair.) [FEATURED TAGS: Kristal Summers, Stoya, Jessie Andrews, Skin Diamond, Lily Carter, Holly Michaels, Kagney Linn Karter, Asa Akira, Gracie Glam, Alexis Texas, Kristina Rose, Bree Olsen, Lisa Ann, Sienna West, Emily Addison, Jesse Jane, Stoya, Kayden Kross, Riley Steele, BiBi Jones, Exclusive Video, 247AdultStars.com]

Alexis Texas & Cowgirl Friend