The Mystery Guest
by John Chuck Weekly
Remember the old game show What’s My Line? [Oh, dear. This doesn’t bode well.] OK. So unless you happen to be D.Minion, probably not, but for our purposes today, you need only know the basics. Every show they’d have a “Mystery Guest” come on and then four judges would ask questions designed to help them guess the occupation of said guest. [Also, if you do happen to remember What’s My Line, I wouldn’t concern myself too much, as you’re just elderly, not necessarily crazy. However, if you remember that the host was “John Charles Daly” then you really need to get out of the house more. In that case, we do worry about you.]
The Risqué Crew did have a Mystery Guest in attendance at the convention this year, actually, and her recent occupations fascinated us all for the entire time. One always wonders what happens in “Life After Porn” but we rarely get a chance to hear about it. [Actually the stories tend to be pretty much the same: Fell in love. Got married. Had babies. (Sometimes followed by the second most popular story line: Fell out of love. Got divorced. Came back to porn to make money.)] Remember the “Mystery Welder” photo we showed you a few weeks back? [HERE – OK, so technically that would here “HERE” on the Members’ Side. Sorry.], well, she actually showed up in Vegas the night we all arrived, drug her various mismatched duffel bags out of the back of her truck into the suite [True story.], and began to deal with the onslaught of questions from all of us about the last five years. [Also, true. … And “onslaught” represents excellent word choice in this instance.]
Now eventually you’ll all hear all of this very lengthy and wildly fascinating story, but the very first one of the evening should serve to whet your appetites, as it were, since it involves her dinner that very evening. [Oh, dear. I’ve created pun monsters here. Sorry about that.]
You see, having arrived fairly late in the evening from the wilds of the Rocky Mountains, Dear Ms. Mystery had brought along some tasty treats for dinner when she arrived. [She’s been away for awhile. Maybe she forgot they have places that sell food you can eat right at the table in Las Vegas.] Now she also travels with a Border Collie named “Cookie” which means that she can’t keep the food in the passenger part of the vehicle with them, because, well, dogs aren’t that patient when it comes to food. [It also means that saying, “Can I pet your Cookie?” when you see her won’t necessarily get you slapped, but you should be careful anyway.] All this means that when she did finally arrive and get everything upstairs, by herself – because she was too shy to ask for help, the impending tasty treats had frozen solid. Never one to look at the world in a “regular” fashion, the lass came up with an interesting solution. Because it might be difficult to really see what’s on the menu, we’ve employed our if not impressive, at least humorous, Photoshop skills to assist you with this photo.
Notice any Wills of Cheyenne yet?
Yep! She heated ’em up with a hair dryer. … Needless to say, we’re looking forward to the coming weeks and months with Ms. Mystery Guest, and now even those of us that were in Vegas for these stories get to hear a whole bunch of old stories too. It’s a wonderful life, and it’s not even Christmas anymore. [And on that “note” this Belle can certainly ring up some Angels. … See? I told you I was a bad pun influence.]