Filed Under: Jassie

May 2012 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

5/28/12	If someone gives you an extra-special, handy-dandy, super-secret coupon, it’s pretty easy to just throw it away. However, if someone gives you this coupon along with a whole bunch of other fascinating memories, well, then, you can spend an hour or two being entertained — before you throw the coupon away. Still, we’re covering Members and Memories today, and that seems apropos for Memorial Day. (You will need to supply your own beverage and BBQ. Sorry about that.) [FEATURED TAGS: Heather Vuur Exclusive Video, Heather Vandeven Exclusive Video, Jassie Exclusive Video, Monica Mayhem Exclusive Video, Eddie Van Halen, Exclusive Video, Michael Ninn]
5/26/12	Looks count apparently. Consequently a couple of talented folks spent some time on presentation this time around, although honestly the fact that you’re presenting Kristal Summers, Julia Ann, and Steve (before he left too early) doesn’t hurt one’s dedication to the effort. Sadly limited to only a “Virtual Dee” this time around, D.Minion nonetheless managed to work in yet another reference to donuts with sprinkles. Maybe it comes from hanging out with all those sweet women … maybe. [FEATURED TAGS: Dee, Julia Ann, Nina Hartley, Kristal Summers, Shayla LaVeaux Video, Michael Ninn]
5/23/12	Regardless of one’s level of education, we all seem to be susceptible to the devilish “grass is greener” trap. Even if we happen to be exceptionally talented in one area, we all display an apparently human desire to do something else. Well, just so you know, that doesn’t always work out exactly as we anticipated. It does not diminish the “fun to try” factor any, though, and so around risqué we tend to let people play a bit when they feel the urge. Honestly, this should be the last place anyone ever discourages urges, right? … By the way, do you think rock stars sit around lamenting, “Dang, but I surely do wish I could do web code!” before they go to bed every night? [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video, Kaz B., 247AdultStars.com]
5/18/12	Today happens to be all about Shayla LaVeaux, which honestly would make any day a darned special occasion. Everyone loves Shayla, to tell you the truth, mostly because she’s kind, considerate of the feelings of others, and even after all these years in the industry still goes out and puts “fun” first in everything she does. Of course the fact that she’s sexy as all get out doesn’t hurt anything either. Life being what it is, though, somehow all of us people that love Shayla don’t get treated exactly the same way as some of the people that Shayla loves back. Presumably that has something to do with the whole sexy as all get out thing. … That bites. [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux, Alexandra Silk, Carmen Luvana]
5/14/12	Having gotten quite confused over the weekend with what we had as a plan to introduce Cytherea’s site wishes, we came into work this morning to the greetings of all those annoying “stickler for a schedule” types pointing out that we sort of forgot to put up what we were supposed to. Fortunately, a healthy dose of humor goes a long way in these parts, so we managed to sneak by with our illustration from yesterday, if we promised to put up the “other” Cytherea post today. More Cytherea? … No one can see a down side in that. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea]
5/13/12	We celebrate “Mom” today, even as the rest of the country does the same thing. Granted, as a general rule we probably celebrate the process in which women become moms a bit more than does the average person, but as difficult as it may be to believe for the politically conservative out there, we have mothers too. We also have fathers. … And pretty much after that everything is different. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video]
5/10/12	Today we’re doing something a little different, which considering our usual method of operation probably provides no practical clues as to our intent at all. Even we couldn’t remember the last time we did something “normal” when we tried to think about it. That said, we have never used this particular approach before. You see, our leader actually wrote an article for the FREE SIDE of risqué, and then we adapted that document to the MEMBERS’ SIDE of our world. Members may not even realize it, because why would you ever go back to the Free Side, after all, but we (sporadically) run “web safe” stories out there with the hopes of finding new folks that might enjoy our approach in here. Of course they are rarely truly “topical” — often running years after they appeared in the Members’ Area — but we spend the vast majority of our time taking care of Members, so this approach has always seemed logical to us. This time, we got instructions to flip that approach completely around. We have no idea why, but however odd we may be, we also have a decidedly prudent streak. We do what the boss says. [FEATURED TAGS: Juli Ashton, Dee, Holly Hollywood Video, Michael Ninn]
5/7/12	We always celebrate Cinco de Mayo in this office, either because we’re extraordinarily culturally aware, or we just love dark-skinned women. That could be it too. Of course it could also be that for whatever reason we all really love very spicy Mexican food. But that could be simply because initial interviews are always done at a local “Cantina” and anybody that wimps out over the chile verde never gets hired. Our own “El Jefe” disputes that last claim, but interestingly that’s not quite the same thing as denying it. … Now this year the holiday came on a Saturday, and what with all the work we’ve been doing on the new catalogue, in a rare turn of events every one of us had the weekend off. Fortunately we suffered no digital disasters in our absence, but we did miss the celebration. Consequently we’re celebrating Siete de Mayo this year. Tequila makes one quite adaptable, after all. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea]
5/1/12	So if you spend a few hundred words trying to explain just how well you can be brief, well, that sort of seems to miss the point, right? If, however, a lovely lass such as Shayla LaVeaux makes the request, you certainly try your darnedest to accommodate her. We may not have done an exemplary job per se, but if you look at it honestly we nonetheless feel rather fine about the issue. How many times in life has a pretty girl reduced a group to a bunch of blithering idiots, after all? [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux Exclusive Video, Natalia Forrest Exclusive Video, 247AdultStars.com]

October 2011 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

10/31/11	Remember when the “Little Monsters” visiting us this evening just meant there were a bunch of small people in costume going door to door obtaining free candy under threat of dirty deeds? Now, according to some of the … let’s go with less aged … among our office staff, a “Little Monster” might mean simply that the individual in question happens to be a fan of Lady Gaga. When did that happen? We missed the memo. … If you want to have some fun tonight, when the beggars come ringing your doorbell with their already sugar-filled bags thrust forward, choose “Trick!” and see what happens. If you can’t educate the young, what fun is life anyway? … Of course if you’d rather have an altogether different kind of fun tonight, just give ’em the candy so you can get back to our “Gothic Cheerleader” courtesy of Cytherea. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video]
10/29/11	No one here will admit responsibility for the apparent “poetry bug” that has bitten the writers around here, but as is our custom, we have made it quite easy to just skip to the … let’s go with more visual … presentations. After all, while it may take some education to adequately consider Shakespeare, it hardly takes a college degree to see the benefits of Shayla LaVeaux and Olivia Del Rio “virtually” … let’s go with working. Come to think of it, let’s just go … . [FEATURED TAGS: Eddie Van Halen, Jassie, Heather Vurr, Heather Vandeven, Monica Mayhem, Michael Ninn, Shayla LaVeaux Video, Olivia Del Rio Video ]
10/26/11	Certainly most of us would come to the aid of a Damsel in Distress — at least one would hope. Yet what percentage of us would take the time to explain Distress in Damsels when at the end of the written explanation comes Monique Alexander and Tori Black? … See? Don’t you just hate those philosophical puzzles? … Fortunately there will be no test today. Truthfully you don’t even need to pay attention to all the pesky words in the way of the beautiful women (although please don’t tell the copywriters because they’re very sensitive). And since we are being honest, we should mention that we find it pretty hard to imagine either Monique or Tori being in “distress” for very long. Right? [FEATURED TAGS: Monique Alexander Video, Tori Black Video, Michael Ninn]
10/23/11	Apparently “blonds have more fun” as they go through life. Assuming that true, then Jaclyn Smith (followed recently by Minka Kelly) would be much more alluring would they only dye their hair, right? Uh-huh. Have we mentioned the beautiful ocean-front property just outside of Denver we’re trying to sell? … Well, we don’t often get the chance to talk about one woman with experience in both “lifestyles” in adult movies, but when we do, we jump at the chance. OK. So that fact that A.J. Bailey happens to be brilliant too doesn’t hurt anything. Hey, when she gets old, she’ll still be smart. [FEATURED TAGS: AJ Bailey Video, Capri Anderson Video, Helmetcam Audio, Michael Ninn]
10/22/11	Theoretically, taking “the road less travelled” will make all the difference. Of course, have you ever noticed that no one ever mentions whether or not that difference will turn out to be a good thing? Life comes down to a matter of defining your perspective and then setting priorities; it’s really not any more complicated than that. For our part, we always seem to choose the path filled with naked women. They’re probably more philosophical or something. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video, Dee Video, Georgia Adair Video, Tasha Reign, Sarah Vandella, Kagney Linn Karter, Alexis Texas, Michael Ninn]
10/18/11	So a Haiku, a Fairy Tale, and a Limerick walk into a web site … No, really. … That’s what actually happens today. … We can’t really say “why” necessarily, because that would involve trying to understand D.Minion’s rationale, and we can assure you: Down that road disaster lies. … On a more — let’s go with typically sane — route, we do at least get to show off Shayla cavorting in our small town on California’s Central Coast. Better yet, Shayla has chosen to do so with a distinct lack of clothing for the most part, although she does seem to take advantage of batteries purchased locally. We’ve even thrown in some of those fancy “movin’ pictures” displaying a similar sort of cavorting, even though the scene has nothing technically to do with the poems. Internally we’ve entitled this bit of fun “The Lingerie Toss and Other Tales” but you may be more interested in the “Pure Gold Pussy” once all is said and done. Basically we know what we’ve done, but we have no idea what DM has said. [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux Video]
10/16/11	All things considered, we have a pretty good life around here. Granted the abundance of beautiful naked women around does tend to slant the playing field in our favor, but we have deeply spiritual — metaphysically philosophical, even — reasons to be grateful for our lot in life. Well, at least we plan on having those, just as soon as the beautiful naked women stop working as sole justification. Hey, without a plan, how can you tell when you’ve fallen horribly short? … And the plan for today? Georgia Adair and Dee, beautiful and naked as you likely expected. Honestly, adding enough deeply spiritual and metaphysical philosophy, it adds a whole new interpretation to the concept of the NFL “bye” week. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea, Dee Video, Georgia Adair Video, Michael Ninn]
10/10/11	Columbus Day seemed like the perfect opportunity to talk about the potential benefits of exploration, particularly as they may pertain to Cytherea. Truth be told, we cannot be 100% sure what exactly we will “discover” on our trek, but we remain optimistic. According to Mr. Orwell, should we strive to be admirable writers, we need “let the meaning choose the word, and not the other way about.” As to the effectiveness of our efforts today, we shall let the members decide. … And just a bit of advice for members and non-members alike: Remember what we have learned from Mr. Columbus. Be really careful if you’re screwing the Queen. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea, Jana Jordan Video, Alana Langford Video, Michael Ninn]
10/7/11	For a long time now, we’ve been planning to celebrate the release of the next Michael Ninn movie we can talk about and show off with the last Michael Ninn movies (we could talk about and show off) — these happening right before new Ninn Worx management felt “uncomfortable” with our presence. Consequently, on the precipice of some very select customers in the U.S. being able to obtain a copy of Michael’s The Four, we bring you for the first time D.Minion’s observations of the first day of House of Jordan. We’ve entitled this episode “Who Let the Dogs Out?” — which will make a lot more sense once you read it. … OK. So that may not be entirely true. … It will make as much sense as we usually make. There. [FEATURED TAGS: Jana Jordan, Renee Perez, Lena Nicole, Marlie Moore, Alana Langford, Michael Ninn]
10/2/11	Sigh. The plan was to put this up on Sunday night … and then … depression set in. On the stripes of the gridiron the only thing that makes the Colorado professional football team better than Colorado’s biggest college football team is that the college team has played one more game, thus recording one more loss. Many might assume that being from a state even colder than Colorado, say, Wisconsin, would be a fine reason for depression of an entirely more aggregate view. But you if you happen to be a football fan, Wisconsin’s not a bad place to be. … Still, we’re trying to cope the way we do. Too bad Uncle Gibby’s not allowed to look at the video here. He would have liked it — a lot. [FEATURED TAGS: Lexi Belle, Monique Alexander, Anais Video, Michael Ninn]

July 2011 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

7/31/11	We could call this something philosophical today – like “Net Benefit” – but that would imply way too much economic thought when considering Maverick’s forays into the summertime debauchery that many, many beers in London can bring if you hang out with porn stars. Come to think of it, we should have learned after all these years not to even try to qualify Maverick with mere words. Pictures are better, and some of the videos aren’t even hopelessly dark. Bonus! [FEATURED TAGS: Sophie O’Brien Exclusive Video, Kimmy Haze, Tanya Cox Exclusive Video, Valentina Cruz Exclusive Video, Tracey Lain, Faye Rampton Exclusive Video, Syren Sexton Video, 247AdultStars.com]
7/27/11	So most adult web sites probably don’t mention either Eugene O’Neill or Michael Landon in their typical discourse, and they certainly don’t weave them into the same conversation we’re guessing. That said, we’ve never made any claims to be on even the same planet as typical in this world, and we do talk about Nikki Kane enough that you can just ignore the old dead guys. That would certainly be cheerier. [FEATURED TAGS: Nikki Kane, Michael Ninn]
7/22/11	Many types of people end up in the “adult business” although many of them seem quite unwilling to accept it, or at least acknowledge it publicly. A quick trip through the latest “Novelty” convention has highlighted this little fact that we seem to forget, while Shayla choosing an outfit in which to attend a small-town produce “Festival” seems to demonstrate how seamlessly we adapt to the “regular” world. Overall, we seem to have an easier time with them than they do with us. You’d think they’d take lessons, right? [FEATURED TAGS: Shayla LaVeaux]
7/16/11	You just know you’ve made it as a major society in the History of the World when road construction in one of your major cities makes the international news. Either that, or you know it has been an amazingly slow news day. Well, you’ve got a much less painful option to consider over the weekend, and you won’t even have to think about “Carmageddon” in LA at all. The CyCAM makes its episodic debut today, and while potentially as noteworthy as shutting down the major North/South interstate in Los Angeles, it probably won’t make the television news anywhere. Pity, that. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video]
7/14/11	Possibilities abound in this business in general, and unique potential multiplies geometrically around the risque communes. For example, sometimes the people that came up with the plan for a post don’t happen to be around when the time comes for other people to actually do the work. And sometimes that can be just a tad confusing. On the upside, this particular confusion involves Wendy Divine, Shayla LaVeaux, Aurora Snow, and Jenna Haze all in various states of nakedness. Come to think of it, we could more accurately have described “all of the various states” as completely. That would have worked too. See how confused we get? [FEATURED TAGS: Erotica Los Angeles 2004, Julia Ann, Mika Tan, Nina Hartley, Brittney Skye, Wendy Divine, Shayla LaVeaux Video, Jenna Haze Video, Aurora Snow Video, Michael Ninn]
7/10/11	As the temperatures rise across the country, getting wet seems like a wonderful idea a great deal of the time. Of course when you consider the juxtaposition of Cytherea and “wet” in a single sentence, the relevance of the outside temperature doesn’t really matter all that much. Now if with this introduction you might be forming an opinion as to Cytherea being a meteorologist of some sort, well, you clearly don’t know Cytherea all that well. Take heart (or whatever) in hand, though, for today you may learn much more about her. She loves D.Minion, you know. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea Exclusive Video, Michael Ninn]
7/8/11	Some of us consider our civic duty as males to play the chivalrous role, offering strength, comfort, guidance, and support to any lass potentially in a less than favorable situation. The fact that Uncle Gibby just happened to find himself called into action at a strip club where Bree Olson was headlining, well, that’s just a coincidence. He’s a dedicated lad, that Gibby. Rumor has it he’s also thinking of changing his name to “Jimmy” but you’ll have to follow along inside to understand his rationale. [FEATURED TAGS: Bree Olson Video]
7/4/11	We attended a workshop at a conference once where the speaker began his talk by saying, “We only walk by continually beginning to fall forward.” While we can’t really speak to the relevance for that specific workshop to what followed in our professional careers, since none of us can even remember which one it was – or even what city we were in when we heard it – we have employed the sentiment on occasion. For example, we can see how the theory applies to the freedoms celebrated in America on July 4^th, even if many of us face $2,000 fines should we seek to create our own Rocket’s Red Glare instead of simply enjoying those of the government-sponsored variety. Perhaps most of all, however, Freedom (with a capital “F” don’t you know) allows us to voice introspection and illustrate our points with beautiful naked women. All in all that does seem safer than potentially blowing off your hand or burning the town down. [FEATURED TAGS: Anais, Shayla LaVeaux, Jassie, Marie Luv, Daisy Marie, Faith Leon, Kimberly Kane, Adriana Sage, Britney Manson, Emily Marilyn, Michael Ninn]
7/1/11	Everybody should pop on over to JuliaAnn.com and say hello. You should also probably join Julia’s site so you can see all the cool stuff. If you decide upon this course of action, however, you should probably be aware that there might be nudity there, and even possibly representations of sex out of wedlock. Then again if moral issues seem to be a stumbling block for you, what the heck are you doing here anyway? … So how’d we do Julia? Subtle enough? [FEATURED TAGS: Julia Ann Video]

April 2011 Risque | What’s New

… With appropriate credit to Garth:

Back when the Old Stuff was New Stuff

4/30/11	So apparently they had this big wedding yesterday, and insane people over here stayed up until all hours of the morning just to watch it on TV? Well, we can’t say that this makes any sense to us California folks, but then we’ve heard the same thing said about us from other parts of the country. Did you ever embrace a reflective moment and think about just how you ended up where you did in your life? Presumably people in prison do this with some regularity, but fortunately today we’re not talking about weddings or incarceration – either of these sad situations. Today we sit down with Shayla and consider the “Origins of Porn Woman” and be honestly thrilled that the entire world doesn’t watch everything we do. Seriously. That sounds icky, right? [FEATURED TAGS: Alexis DeVell, AEE 2011, Shayla LaVeaux, Julia Ann, Cheyenne Silver, Inari Vachs, Tori Black, Tanya Tate, Phoenix Marie, Bobbi Starr, Andy San Dimas, Jesse Jane, Shy Love, Selena Rose, Natasha Nice, Kayden Kross, Jessica Drake, Riley Steele, Dana DeArmond, Bree Olsen, Prinzzess, Lupe Fuentes, Joanna Angel, Anna Lovato, Jynx Maze, Kristen Rose, Lexi Belle, Breanne Benson, Nina Hartley, Monique Alexander, Stoya, Andy San Dimas, Exclusive Video, 247AdultStars.com]
4/28/11	You know what colloquialisms are we assume? OK. So most of us have at least heard the word, and we probably have some vague idea of the meaning, although that may or may not be true. After all, it’s not like you have occasion to throw that particular English language tidbit into a conversation every day. And if you have one thing, like a colloquialism, for example, don’t sound principles of physics dictate that its direct opposite be possible too? So what’s the opposite of a colloquialism? … If you’re confused, you’ve now perfectly prepared yourself to match our condition today, so all you Members can now feel free to enter. On the upside, we do have Renee Perez playing in the shower this time around, and basically that’s not very confusing at all. [FEATURED TAGS: Renee Perez Video, Michael Ninn]
4/22/11	There are many, many ways to say Happy Birthday across the globe, yet all of them mean, “Gosh, you’re even older than you were yesterday.” As our friends get older, we have noticed a tendency to buy them gifts that we hope to get back in inheritance, though, but that’s OK, right? We should be practical after all. Also, we’re going to stop writing now so that El Jefe doesn’t have enough clues to figure out which of us wrote this introduction. Practical … [FEATURED TAGS: Tanya Cox, “The Snatch Game” ]
4/21/11	Just in case you’re ever curious, you should know that the only people that ever win in a lawsuit are the lawyers. Legal fights beat you up financially, emotionally, and depending upon how long they drag on, even spiritually. They’re not fun. Sadly, however, they are sometimes necessary. As we understand it, you’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. All in all, the only thing you really learn from lawsuits boils down to an addition to your list of people with whom you never want to have to see ever again in your life. Sometimes the lawyers don’t end up being first on that list, but they always make the list for sure. Even for attorneys, though, all good things must come to an end, and eventually even the most acrimonious of disputes reaches some form of resolution. Today would be such a day. … Whew. [FEATURED TAGS: Vicca, Nikita, Juli Ashton, Felecia, Anna Malle, Asia Carrera, Ron Jeremy, Ninn Video, Michael Ninn]
4/18/19	Most of us would agree that only a few things in life can annoy us as much as paying taxes. We all see the need for them in the abstract, and quite honestly see the value in government services and the philanthropic concepts of helping those less fortunate than ourselves. When theory crashes into personal reality, however, you can almost hear a universal whining. If you don’t believe that just listen to the richest 10% of the people in the country bellow and start talking about the President’s citizenship every time he dares suggest they should probably try to contribute a little more to help the country get out of its economic mess – that he didn’t create, by the way, but let’s not get too bogged down in politics. … In that non-political spirit we’re dishing up our own risque brand of tax relief today. We’d be willing to bet that if you love it or hate it, you’re decision will have nothing whatsoever to with your party affiliation. [FEATURED TAGS: Cytherea, Lylith LaVey]
4/15/11	Does anyone else wonder why today doesn’t qualify as Tax Day, even though it’s a Friday and not a weekend? Nope. We didn’t either. We just said, “Whoopie! We get extra time this year!” … Of course none of us really need the extra time because we always do our taxes in January so we don’t even have to worry about it anymore. Yep. That’s our story, and we’re stickin’ to it. … You’ll find other words (and pictures) of wisdom in A Dawning today as well. What an excellent Friday. [FEATURED TAGS: Audrey Hollander, Heather Vuur, Heather Vandeven, Jassie, Shayla LaVeaux Video, Michael Ninn]
4/12/11	We would love to say that we spend hours and hours thinking up clever titles for our ever-so-insightful commentary on the risque commune sites, but that wouldn’t technically be true. Generally someone just pops off with something, the others laugh, and that’s what we go with. Sometimes, though, a couple of very good ideas get thrown into the mix, and then we have a debate, granted about the silliest of things. (That’s what Americans do, as any analysis of professional sports or politics will clearly illustrate.) Today we had “Sheen without Luster” as well as “Sheen and Lust Her” as options that we just couldn’t reach consensus on. D.Minion said she’d decide, since it was her story, after all. … Naturally D.Minion picked a third title. … It’s good to be Queen. We’re not so sure about being a Goddess, however. [FEATURED TAGS: Capri Anderson, Bree Olsen Video]
4/6/11	Back before he started making sausage, Jimmy Dean recorded a song with a chorus that began, “I won’t go huntin’ with you, Jake, but I’ll go chasin’ women.” Most of you will probably be glad to hear that this does not happen to be the song in which you can find Shayla naked in the music video. That said, as between early 1950’s country music – Ice T’s “Body Count” – and sausage, we can’t honestly say which we’d like to see made less. Shayla dancing naked is always good, however. [FEATURED TAGS: Justine Joli]
4/3/11	Last night we learned the Butler did it, if UConn believe that. … And if you don’t follow college basketball, or if you happen to be reading this years from now, that will make no sense at all. Fortunately, sexy women do tend toward the timeless and universally understood, so don’t worry yourself too much about the “strangest of the strange” around here. Both Shayla LaVeaux and Cheyenne Silver give reports today on the most recent AEE, and 247AdultStars chimes in with “visitors” Lon and D.Minion as well. All it all it’s very confusing. So go slowly and remember to breathe. Ice cream might help too. … And for all you authors that hurried your reports in because we were going to publish this a couple of days ago … um … April Fool’s. (Hey we couldn’t have used the amazingly clever and hysterical Butler/UConn comment on April 1st. See? Things tend to work out.) [FEATURED TAGS: AEE 2011, Shayla LaVeaux, Cheyenne Silver, Cytherea, Katsuni, Prinzzess, Alektra Blue, Syren, Exclusive Video]

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